IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #work #hours #time #leisure #activities #situation #reason
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Nowadays, a lot of people have a prolonged
day
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 of
work
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, so it looks like they have
no
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not
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 enough time to
rest
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 and to spend it with their family or friends. I think that
this
Linking Words
 situation has more disadvantages for
a
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apply
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several reasons. First and foremost,
long
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a long
show examples
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work
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workday
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day
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 doesn't mean long
hours
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 of
really
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real
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work
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. Scientists said that all
of
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apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people, from all spheres of activity, have to
rest
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 during the
day
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. At least 15 minutes every 3 or 4
hours
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, and one long break, like 30-45 minutes.
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Otherwise
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Otherwise,
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 their
work
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 became
noneffective
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ineffective
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. In
Sweden
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Sweden,
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 they tried to make a shorter
work
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day
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, 6
hours
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instead
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 of 8
hours
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, and they have gotten the same results. That means that
as a result
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 of the long
work
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hours
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 we have a very tired person, with
less
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fewer
show examples
 results, and probably some problems with his family.
Furthermore
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, there are some European countries, which tried to make a shorter week - 4 days of
work
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instead
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 of 5 regular
work
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 days. And they had gotten an amazing result - the same quantity of final products. Whilst in Japan there are a lot of companies which trying to improve the
work
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 environment and they have organised the
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rest rooms
Correct your spelling
restrooms
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 with showers and beds in their offices. It
had
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apply
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improved
the
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apply
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employees
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employee
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 satisfaction
,
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apply
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 and raised the
amount
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number
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 of final products. In conclusion, I'm convinced, that the quantity is not the quality. People need to have more facilities to
rest
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 and relax in their
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work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
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, so they will be happier, and
consequently
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, they will
work
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 better.
Submitted by anastasia on

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task achievement
Consider elaborating on reasons and examples to support why long work hours are disadvantageous. This will make your argument stronger.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence. This helps in guiding the reader through your essay and maintaining coherence.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame your argument well.
task achievement
You have included some relevant examples, which help in illustrating your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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