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Writing Samples
Band 6

Successful sports professional can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while think this is unfair. Discuss both view and give your opinion

In contemporary society, it is not uncommon for successful
sports
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professionals
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 to earn considerably more than individuals in other crucial
professions
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such
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 as teaching and medicine.
While
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 some argue that these high
salaries
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 are justified by the athletes’ unique contributions and the revenue they generate, others contend that it is inequitable given the vital roles of teachers and doctors.
This
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 essay will explore both perspectives before arguing that the high
salaries
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 for
sports
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professionals
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 are justifiable
due to
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 their short-lived
careers
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 and the broader impact they have on society. On one hand, the argument that high
salaries
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 for
sports
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professionals
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 are justified hinges on several factors.
Firstly
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, the career span of athletes is relatively short compared to other
professions
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.
Sports
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careers
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 often peak in a narrow window of time, and athletes face intense physical demands and risks of injury that can curtail their
careers
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 prematurely.
For instance
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, footballers and basketball players may experience significant health issues
due to
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 the physical strain of their profession, which can limit their earning potential in the long term.
Consequently
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, the high
salaries
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 they command can be seen as compensation for their temporary yet intense career period and the physical sacrifices they make.
Furthermore
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, successful
sports
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professionals
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 contribute significantly to their countries’ economies and international reputations. Major sporting events
such
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 as the World Cup or the Olympics attract global audiences, bringing in substantial revenue through broadcasting rights, sponsorships, and tourism.
For example
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, the FIFA World Cup generates billions of dollars, a significant portion of which benefits the host nation through increased tourism and international exposure. In
this
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 context, the high
earnings
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 of
sports
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professionals
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 can be viewed as a reflection of the considerable economic and promotional benefits they bring to their countries.
Conversely
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, it is crucial to acknowledge the concerns regarding the disparity in
earnings
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 between
sports
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professionals
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 and individuals in essential
professions
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such
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 as teaching and healthcare. Teachers and doctors play pivotal roles in societal development and well-being, and their contributions are fundamental to a functioning society. Despite their critical importance, these
professions
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 often receive lower
salaries
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 compared to
sports
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 figures.
For instance
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, teachers shape future generations and doctors provide essential healthcare, yet their compensation does not always reflect the value of their work.
This
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 discrepancy can be perceived as unfair, particularly when considering the societal benefits that these
professions
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 provide.
Nevertheless
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,
while
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 the remuneration of
sports
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professionals
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 may seem disproportionate, it is important to recognize that the market for professional
sports
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 is highly specialized and driven by entertainment value. The financial rewards are influenced by factors
such
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 as audience demand, media rights, and commercial endorsements, which are not applicable to most other
professions
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.
This
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 market-driven nature explains why
sports
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 figures can command
such
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 high
salaries
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 despite the apparent disparity with essential
professions
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. In conclusion,
while
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 it is understandable to question the disparity in
earnings
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 between
sports
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professionals
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 and those in essential roles, the high
salaries
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 in
sports
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 can be justified by the short duration of athletic
careers
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, the physical demands, and the significant economic impact they generate.
Although
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 essential
professions
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 are crucial and their compensation deserves reconsideration, the unique nature of the
sports
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 industry supports the higher
earnings
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 of its
professionals
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.
Therefore
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,
while
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 the issue of fairness is complex, the high
salaries
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 of
sports
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 figures are ultimately a reflection of their distinct contributions and market dynamics.

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Advice on Coherence and Cohesion
To make your essay even stronger, try to use a variety of sentence structures and avoid overuse of certain expressions. This will make your writing more engaging and demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
Advice on Task Response
While your use of examples is effective, including a few more specific instances or figures could further strengthen your arguments. This will help to provide a clearer and more compelling support to your points.
Positive Highlight on Task Achievement
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both viewpoints and provides a clear opinion, fulfilling the task requirements effectively.
Positive Highlight on Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay is well-structured. The introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively summarize the main points discussed. Each paragraph contributes to a logical progression of ideas.
Positive Highlight on Coherence and Cohesion
The points made are well-supported and the examples, while they could be more specific, are relevant and help to illustrate the arguments.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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