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Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people believe that time spent on television, video and computer games can be valuable for children. Others beleve this may have negative effects on a child's development. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #time #television #video #computer #games #children #beleve #effects #child #development
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There is no doubt that electric devices are essential items in today's world.
Although
 some people suggest that it is useful for children to spend time on television, video and
computer
 games, others assert that these are drawbacks to using them.
This
 essay will explain both opinions and why I support the latter idea.
To begin
 with the one hand, some people believe that television is one of the valuable ways to teach. There are numerous TV programs related to Japanese history. Research recently conducted by the Ministry of Education in Japan discovered that 80% of historical teachers use TV programs in their classes. Via watching these movies,
students
 can not only enjoy learning but
also
 feel vivid images related to the curriculum.
Additionally
, visual images can allow learners to memorize things longer and more accurately.
Consequently
, television can be a practical measure to enhance the efficiency of education.
On the other hand
,
however
, I believe that
computer
 games are harmful to children. These can include both physical and mental problems. For the former,
while
students
 play
computer
 games, they are likely to be sitting for a long time.
This
 custom may cause eye strain, shoulder pain and headache. Regarding the latter,
according to
 an article by Nikkei newspaper, the number of high school
students
 who are suffering from
computer
 addiction has increased significantly within the
last
 two decades. These
students
 feel more anxious and have difficulty controlling their own emotions.
Therefore
, if
students
 use electronic devices too much, they can be exposed to negative effects. In conclusion,
although
 there are advantages to spending time on these items, we should take into account the bad effects on a child's development.
Submitted by nao.bb0820 on

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task achievement
Try to expand your arguments a bit more, especially towards the end of each paragraph. Offering further exploration of points can add depth to your response.
task achievement
Ensure a thorough proofreading to avoid minor grammatical errors and refine your language.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly to maintain coherence. For instance, linking the two sides of the argument in your introductory paragraph can promote better cohesion.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are both clear and concise, effectively framing the essay.
relevant specific examples
You provide relevant and specific examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • educational content
  • documentaries
  • enhance knowledge
  • hand-eye coordination
  • problem-solving skills
  • interactive gameplay
  • computer literacy
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • childhood obesity
  • social skills
  • peer interaction
  • exposure
  • inappropriate behavior
  • influence negatively
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