IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people consider price as most important thing to think about when buying product (such as cell phone) or service (e.g. medical treatment). Do you agree or disagree?

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Many individuals consider the price as the most essential thing when they are purchasing an item or a service. I believe that some people should definitely prioritize the price of products
while
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 purchasing, and
also
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 if they have money and want to buy an item for satisfaction, they should go for it.
To begin
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 with, it is important to consider the price of an item. It is very vital for the low budget
families
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, especially, the ones that have children. Having children is definitely a huge burden for
families
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 because they have many necessities.
For instance
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, a 6-month-old baby needs a diaper which needs to be changed 3 three times every day, and it needs to be fed every 3 hours.
As a result
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, they may struggle with some economic problems
while
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 purchasing these items. So I believe that it is too vital for these
families
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 to consider the prices of products in order to keep their budget balanced.
On the other hand
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, if individuals have no economic problems, they should not consider too much and buy it. It is very important for people to feel good by purchasing the things they want.
For instance
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, if a person is interested in collecting Pokemon cards, he/she should not think too much and go for it. Briefly, it is important to feel good by buying items and feeling good.
To conclude
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, I am of the opinion that people should definitely consider the prices of items, especially the
families
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 that have economic problems. But
also
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 they should not consider too much and go for it if they have money, in order to feel good.

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Coherence & Cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure that ideas are organized in a logical manner with clear progression from one paragraph to another. Employ cohesive devices effectively to enhance the flow of your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Each paragraph should ideally present one main idea, supported by detailed explanations and specific examples. Make use of a range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and across paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Be sure to answer all parts of the prompt fully and develop your position consistently throughout the essay. Avoid contradictions and support your points with relevant examples.
Task Achievement
Include more precise and varied examples to illustrate your points. Specific anecdotes or statistics can greatly strengthen an argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • budget
  • prioritize
  • manage finances
  • high quality
  • affordable
  • effective
  • durable
  • essential services
  • efficacy
  • compromise one's health
  • long-term savings
  • durability
  • efficiency
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