IN SOME COUNTRIES, YOUNG PEOPLE AER ENCOURAGED TO WORK OR TRAVEL BETWEEN FINISHING HIGH SCHOOL AND STARTING UNIVERSITY STUDIES. WHAT ARE THE ADVANTAGES AND DISADVANTAGES OF THIS?
Travelling to new places often gives
younger
generation new experiences which are helpful for their professional growth. In a few countries, younger age Correct article usage
the younger
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
people
are motivated to travel to other places or get employed after their board exams and before beginning their university
academics. This
essay will discuss both the positives and negatives of travelling before starting their higher education
studies
.
Students select their professional career
after finishing their high school Fix the agreement mistake
careers
education
, and sometimes they go through tremendous stress in order to select their university
courses. The first advantage of travelling outside the country and getting employed after passing out the board exam is that,
these pupils can explore new places and Remove the comma
apply
also
get familiar with the courses that are in demand across the world. To exemplify, Chinese
government provide funding to Correct article usage
the Chinese
their
younger age group to travel across Change the word
the
the
different countries after completion of secondary school, in order to Correct article usage
apply
assists
them in making smart career decisions. Change the verb
assist
Furthermore
, the second advantage of solo travelling and getting recruited for a job after college
makes a person independent, additionally
, give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
plethora
of experience which is necessary for their tertiary Add an article
a plethora
education
. This
is because professional studies
is challenging and graduates are required to more vigilant and focused. Henceforth, travelling have
its own benefits and Change the verb form
has
also
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
huge
effect on the personal development of a scholar.
Add an article
a huge
Conversely
, travelling across the globe and working after college
comes with a few downsides, such
as pupils loose interests
Fix the agreement mistake
interest
from
their Change preposition
in
studies
and transition
to Wrong verb form
transitioning
studies
after a gap gets strenuous for them. Firstly
, individuals at a tender age often get influenced by people
who are involved in various illegal activities and give up on their academics. To illustrate, a recent study conducted by the
Melbourne Correct article usage
apply
University
on an
area "why children give up on their academics after Correct article usage
the
college
'', exclaims that these young people
get influenced by the
drug and alcohol addicts and end up leaving their Correct article usage
apply
education
. Moreover
, it becomes challenge
for these younger Correct article usage
a challenge
group
of Fix the agreement mistake
groups
people
to transit
to Wrong verb form
transition
university
education
, this
is because they get used earning
money and travelling. Change preposition
to earning
Hence
, progressing towards under-graduate
programs requires an individual to be determined.
Correct your spelling
undergraduate
To sum up
, the advantages of going on a vacation and getting hired in
companies after intermediate Change preposition
by
college
are adults get awareness about the sectors which are in high demand in countries and they also
get invaluable experience which benefits their further
educational life. However
, there are a few disadvantages of this
like the adolescences
get unconcerned about their Replace the word
adolescents
university
studies
, and after working and going for a holiday progressing towards professional
career becomes Correct article usage
a professional
strenuous
task.Add an article
a strenuous
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task achievement
While the essay addresses the task and provides a balanced discussion of both advantages and disadvantages, it would benefit from more specific examples and detailed explanations. Ensure that each point is fully developed with clear and relevant evidence from real-life scenarios or studies.
coherence cohesion
Although the essay is generally well-structured, there are some issues with coherence and cohesion. Make sure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Using more cohesive devices and transition words could help improve the flow of ideas.
general
Pay attention to grammar and sentence structure. Simplifying sentences can enhance clarity. Also, make sure to proofread for any minor typos or grammatical errors that might detract from the overall quality of the essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of the topic, which shows a thorough understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are effectively written, clearly outlining the main points of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Main points are supported with examples, adding depth to the discussion.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example