Universities should take the same number of men and women in each major. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
The issue of
gender
Use synonyms
equality
remains a topic of significant debate. Use synonyms
While
some argue that Linking Words
equality
between genders has been gained in most developed nations, others, including me, contend that we have to make Use synonyms
a
substantial progress, particularly in less developed regions.
On one hand, many believe that Remove the article
apply
gender
Use synonyms
equality
has already been achieved in most industrialized/ well-off Use synonyms
countries
. In these nations, fields Use synonyms
such
as medicine, the military, and education are open to both men and Linking Words
women
, offering equal opportunities for education, employment, and professional growth. Use synonyms
For example
, in Linking Words
countries
like the United Kingdom, the United States, and Japan, Use synonyms
women
work alongside men in multinational companies without facing discrimination. Use synonyms
This
inclusion fosters a cohesive and friendly work environment, where individuals are valued based on their skills and contributions rather than their Linking Words
gender
. The progress made in these Use synonyms
countries
is often highlighted as evidence that Use synonyms
gender
Use synonyms
equality
has been realized.
Use synonyms
However
, I align with the viewpoint that a lot Linking Words
need
to be done to achieve Change the verb form
needs
a
complete Remove the article
apply
gender
parity, especially in developing Use synonyms
countries
. In nations Use synonyms
such
as Pakistan, Afghanistan, and Iran, societal norms often dictate that Linking Words
women
should primarily be homemakers, responsible for household chores rather than pursuing careers in fields Use synonyms
such
as politics, trade, or sports. These cultural expectations significantly limit Linking Words
women
's opportunities and reinforce widespread stereotypes that portray Use synonyms
women
as inferior. Use synonyms
As a result
, many Linking Words
women
in these regions are unable to reach their full potential, and their contributions to society are undervalued or overlooked. The persistence of these inequalities suggests that true Use synonyms
gender
Use synonyms
equality
has not yet been achieved on a global scale.
In conclusion, Use synonyms
while
developed Linking Words
countries
may demonstrate significant strides towards Use synonyms
gender
Use synonyms
equality
, the global picture reveals a more complex reality. In my opinion, there is still a long way to go to ensure that Use synonyms
women
everywhere have the same opportunities and rights as men.Use synonyms
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task achievement
While your essay provides a clear argument, it would benefit from addressing the specific question of whether universities should take the same number of men and women in each major. Make sure to tie your discussion more closely to the requirement of equal representation in academic majors.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph clearly connects to the next. Consider using more transitional phrases to enhance the flow of your argument.
task achievement
Incorporate additional specific examples or data to support your points. This will strengthen your arguments and show a deeper level of engagement with the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This helps in maintaining coherence throughout.
task achievement
You have addressed different perspectives in your essay, which demonstrates a balanced understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your language and sentence structures are varied and articulate, which contributes positively to the readability of your essay.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?