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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

International travel is becoming cheaper, and more and more countries open their door to tourists. Do the advantages of increased tourism outweigh its disadvantages?

#travel #countries #door #tourists #tourism
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It is true that global
tourism
 has become inexpensive these days, and an increasing number of nations are freely allowing entry of tourists.
While
 there are possible disadvantages associated
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
 trend, I think that
potential
Correct article usage
the potential
show examples
 benefits of the growth in
tourism
overweigh
Verb problem
outweigh
show examples
 its drawbacks. On the one hand, I accept that there are certain disadvantages related to the
increase
 in
tourism
.
Firstly
, the rise in global travel has resulted in an unprecedented negative effect on
environment
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the environment
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 of
earth
Capitalize word
Earth
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. It has
lead
Wrong verb form
led
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 both to an
increase
 in consumption of precious natural resources and to an
increase
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pollution levels.
Moreover
,
due to
 the overcrowded nature of heritage sites, it has become harder to manage them properly.
As a result
, it would harm these valuable historical sites through acts
such
 as littering or graffiti.
However
, I believe that some benefits are far stronger than the drawbacks mentioned above. First of all, international
tourism
 has brought
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
foreign currency to many Second and Third World countries by flourishing their economies. At the same time, the growing
tourism
 industry has provided millions of
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 worldwide.
In addition
 to
this
, owing to
tourism
, people would easily get the opportunity to interact with others by immersing
in
Correct pronoun usage
themselves in
show examples
 different cultures and religions.
Therefore
, their understanding grows which promotes a sense of cultural harmony. In conclusion,
although
 there are some downsides
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
increase
 in
tourism
, I ensure that
overall
 it is a positive trend as it has benefitted both the economies
as well as
 the culture of host nations.
Submitted by mohamadazhariazar on

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your arguments. This can make your points more convincing and give your essay more depth.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph remains focused on a single main point to improve the clarity and coherence.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and well-presented, setting the stage for the discussion and summing up the arguments effectively.
coherence cohesion
Solid logical structure, with clear separation of ideas into paragraphs.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • International travel
  • Economic boon
  • Cultural exchange
  • Infrastructure
  • Overcrowding
  • Environmental degradation
  • Cultural dilution
  • Economic dependency
  • Sustainable tourism
  • Revenue generation
  • Commercialization
  • Globalization
  • Preservation
  • Ecotourism
  • Quality of life
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