A rise in the use of mobile phones in the classroom by school children is severely impacting their concentration in class and overall education development. What are the causes of the problem and what can be done to solve it ?

The increased
use
of Mobile
phones
in the classroom raises concern about its negative effects on
students
'
concentration
and
overall
educational development.
This
issue stems from factors
such
as easy phone access, social
media
addiction, and the role of irresponsible social
media
companies
.
However
, viable solutions exist to tackle
this
problem. One primary cause of diminished
concentration
is the easy accessibility of mobile
phones
. As Smartphones become more prevalent,
students
find it easy to bring them into classrooms, resulting in constant distraction and hindering focused learning. Implementing educational settings can create an environment conducive to better
concentration
.
For example
, school policies that restrict the
use
of mobile
phones
during class
time
or ban their
use
during the school day. Another major cause of distractions in classrooms is a result of the wide availability of social
media
platforms
. Young people today have social
media
accounts with two or three social
media
platforms
at once.
This
leads to multiple distractions and online
time
when all of these are combined together.
However
, action can be taken by social
media
companies
through the integration of features that reduce
time
spent on these
platforms
.
For instance
, screen
time
tracking features, third-party apps like parental admin controls and well-being tools that encourage breaks from social
media
platforms
.
Moreover
, holding social
media
companies
accountable for their role in perpetuating distractions is crucial. Encouraging transparency and ethical practices can lead to mitigating the negative impact of their
platforms
on
students
' educational experiences. In conclusion, the increased
use
of mobile
phones
in classrooms brings about challenges to
concentration
and educational development, but pragmatic solutions exist. Implementing clear guidelines, enhancing digital literacy, and encouraging responsible practices among social
media
companies
are essential steps toward creating a harmonious learning environment for
students
.
Submitted by mubassirakolia78 on

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While your essay provides a good overall response to the task, including an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, you could delve a bit deeper into specific examples for better support of your main points. Providing more vivid and detailed examples can enhance your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured, and your introduction and conclusion are well-presented. However, to improve coherence, consider using more linking words and phrases to ensure smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states the issue and sets the stage for the subsequent discussion, while your conclusion neatly sums up the main points and suggests actionable solutions.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized, and each main point is clearly addressed in a separate paragraph. This logical structure makes your arguments easy to follow.

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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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