Some people believe that it is beneficial to play sport in a team rather than playing an individual team. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many individuals acknowledge that
team
play has more significance than personal one.
Although
people
who
busy
Add a missing verb
are busy
show examples
with the
sports
that are carried out by one person have an opportunity to take greetings for themselves, friendship and cooperation make group
sports
superior. Everybody wants to be appreciated and respected
as a result
of their efforts. It is utterly natural.
However
, some individuals are more
self-centered
Change the spelling
self-centred
show examples
than others. They are not likely to share positive things
such
as compliments, and they may be right.
Inasmuchas
Correct your spelling
Inasmuch as
success is obtained by their efforts. An
olympic
Change the capitalization
Olympic
show examples
medalist
athletes
Fix the agreement mistake
athlete
show examples
,
for instance
, shoulders the burden by themselves,
therefore
it is their right to get what is deserved.
Hence
, individual
sports
can be a choice for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sportsmen who are fond of the spotlight. Yet, the
sports
that are done by multiple
people
include many valuable
consepts
Correct your spelling
concepts
such
as
team
chemistry and getting
along with
teammates. For many
people
, only these are enough to get into
team
sports
branches. Accomplishing an arduous task as a
team
is invaluable for them.
Moreover
, these types of
sports
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
paramount importance for children's life. By attending teams, they can enhance their social and sentimental skills.
Therefore
,
team
sports
take
Verb problem
play
show examples
valuable
Add an article
a valuable
the valuable
show examples
role in order to improve
people
humanly. In conclusion, it is true that many
sports
people
like to be flattered personally
as a result
of their struggles. But, as it enhances humane values
such
as mutual helping and sharing, being busy with
team
sports
is far more beneficial.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow between the body paragraphs. Consider using more linking words and phrases to create smoother transitions.
task achievement
Provide a few more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. This can help illustrate your points more effectively.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and provide a good framework for your essay.
task achievement
The ideas are well-organized, and you have addressed both sides of the argument effectively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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