In some parts of the world traditional festivals and celebrations have disappeared or are disappearing. What problems is this causing? What measures could be taken to counter this situation?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In any
country
traditional
celebrations
and festivals have disappeared or
in
Add a missing verb
are in
show examples
the process. The main problem
this
causes is the possibility disappearing of
official
Add an article
the official
an official
show examples
language of the
country
and the most viable solution is just keeping national traditions and language. The principal problem associated with trying to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not spend money and time on festivals or
celebrations
, respectively. The result of
this
is losing something, which came from a previous century. So it is
obviously
Change the word
obvious
show examples
that it is disrespectful for old humans who are still alive. So there is some possibility that in the future, with
this
performance, they will lose their national language consistently.
For example
, in Europe, there are a lot of countries that lost their
celebrations
, and approximately 70% of the
people
of
this
country
regret and want to come back all things that belong to their
country
. To tackle
this
problem, the government should take a penalty from the
people
who had an opportunity but did not do it. Because the influence of money nowadays is insane. So it is
obviously
Change the word
obvious
show examples
that
people
would not spend their money for free, like for a penalty. And the most important thing is the influence of the surroundings. If a lot of
people
celebrate festivals or
celebrations
, analogically, other
people
would celebrate with them.
For instance
, a German scientist approved that the
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
of
people
is 86%
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
of his surrounding friends. In conclusion, keeping traditions and
celebrations
is a major issue that can result in
people
being patriots of their
country
, respectively.
Submitted by bizhanalikhan6 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider elaborating on the specific problems caused by the disappearance of traditional festivals beyond just the loss of language. Think about cultural identity, community bonds, and tourism, for example.
task achievement
Your essay would benefit from more concrete examples and evidence to support your claims, such as specific instances where languages or traditions have been preserved or revitalized.
coherence cohesion
Try to ensure that all paragraphs are clearly linked with transition words and phrases to improve the flow and coherence of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Work on providing a clear logical structure within paragraphs: introduce a main idea, support it with evidence, and explain its relevance.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a framework for your arguments.
task achievement
You address both the problems and potential solutions, showing a balanced approach to the topic.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • traditional festivals
  • heritage
  • cultural identity
  • folklore
  • cultural tourism
  • intergenerational
  • homogenization
  • commercialization
  • intangible cultural heritage
  • community engagement
  • awareness
  • revitalize
  • cultural diversity
  • educational programs
  • governmental support
  • logistical support
What to do next:
Look at other essays: