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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some parts of the world traditional festivals and celebrations have disappeared or are disappearing. What problems is this causing? What measures could be taken to counter this situation?

#parts #world #festivals #celebrations #measures #counter #situation
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In any
country
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 traditional
celebrations
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 and festivals have disappeared or
in
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are in
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 the process. The main problem
this
Linking Words
 causes is the possibility disappearing of
official
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the official
an official
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 language of the
country
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 and the most viable solution is just keeping national traditions and language. The principal problem associated with trying to
do
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apply
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not spend money and time on festivals or
celebrations
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, respectively. The result of
this
Linking Words
 is losing something, which came from a previous century. So it is
obviously
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obvious
show examples
 that it is disrespectful for old humans who are still alive. So there is some possibility that in the future, with
this
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 performance, they will lose their national language consistently.
For example
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, in Europe, there are a lot of countries that lost their
celebrations
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, and approximately 70% of the
people
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 of
this
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country
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 regret and want to come back all things that belong to their
country
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. To tackle
this
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 problem, the government should take a penalty from the
people
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 who had an opportunity but did not do it. Because the influence of money nowadays is insane. So it is
obviously
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obvious
show examples
 that
people
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 would not spend their money for free, like for a penalty. And the most important thing is the influence of the surroundings. If a lot of
people
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 celebrate festivals or
celebrations
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, analogically, other
people
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 would celebrate with them.
For instance
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, a German scientist approved that the
behavior
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behaviour
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 of
people
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 is 86%
the
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of the
show examples
behavior
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behaviour
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 of his surrounding friends. In conclusion, keeping traditions and
celebrations
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 is a major issue that can result in
people
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 being patriots of their
country
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, respectively.
Submitted by bizhanalikhan6 on

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task achievement
Consider elaborating on the specific problems caused by the disappearance of traditional festivals beyond just the loss of language. Think about cultural identity, community bonds, and tourism, for example.
task achievement
Your essay would benefit from more concrete examples and evidence to support your claims, such as specific instances where languages or traditions have been preserved or revitalized.
coherence cohesion
Try to ensure that all paragraphs are clearly linked with transition words and phrases to improve the flow and coherence of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Work on providing a clear logical structure within paragraphs: introduce a main idea, support it with evidence, and explain its relevance.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a framework for your arguments.
task achievement
You address both the problems and potential solutions, showing a balanced approach to the topic.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • traditional festivals
  • heritage
  • cultural identity
  • folklore
  • cultural tourism
  • intergenerational
  • homogenization
  • commercialization
  • intangible cultural heritage
  • community engagement
  • awareness
  • revitalize
  • cultural diversity
  • educational programs
  • governmental support
  • logistical support
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