Some people think that living in big cities is bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #cities #people’s #health

It is believed that living in major

cities

takes a heavy toll on

people

’s well-being.

This

essay completely agrees with

this

statement. The first argument supporting my opinion is that the living environment in many big

cities

is deteriorating, posing a direct threat to citizens’ physical

health

. With various job opportunities, large

cities

tend to attract a significant portion of

people

from other regions, contributing to the escalating population. More

people

inevitably means the rising demand for activities requiring burning fossil fuels to generate electricity, support transportation, and burn waste, from which most fine particles that pollute the air come. Living in major

cities

, with every breath taken,

people

tend to inhale harmful pollutants that can damage their lungs,

hearts

Correct word choice

and hearts

show examples

, and lead to a host of other

health

problems. The situation

exacerbates

Wrong verb form

is exacerbated

show examples

when the growing population density

also

leads to skyrocketing property prices, which makes finding

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

good accommodation challenging for many

people

, especially ordinary office workers or the working class.

Consequently

people

have no choice but to live in cramped and substandard housing conditions, which may lack proper ventilation, sanitation, and maintenance.

This

can contribute to various

health

problems, including allergies, infections, and mental stress.

In addition

to physical wellness, the frenetic lifestyle in big

cities

also

exerts adverse effects on

people

’s mental

health

. To cover expensive living expenses and accommodation costs, many individuals in big

cities

must work hard; some even juggle multiple jobs to sustain their lives.

This

situation means that proper rest or quality time with family or friends is usually considered a rarity, causing many

people

to suffer from chronic anxiety, loneliness, and other mental ailments.

For instance

, Ho Chi Minh City, a metropolis in Vietnam, is infamous for its exorbitant costs, with a large proportion of young individuals suffering from mental exhaustion as they get stuck in the vicious circle of working most of the time and spending most of their salaries just to cover basic living expenses.

This

is why I believe that the fast-paced lifestyle

coupled with

the high cost of living makes living in big

cities

very stressful. In conclusion, I wholeheartedly agree that living in major

cities

brings about destructive impacts on both the mental and physical well-being of citizens.

Submitted by lel819094 on Fri Jun 14 2024

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Task Response

Your essay addresses the topic very well, and you clearly agree with the statement made. Ensure you diversify your vocabulary to avoid repetition of certain words and phrases, which can slightly affect the fluidity of your writing.

Coherence and Cohesion

While your essay is well-organized, using transition words and phrases more effectively could enhance the readability even further. Consider incorporating a broader range of connectives to guide the reader through your points. You can use words like 'moreover,' 'furthermore,' or 'in addition' to link your ideas more smoothly.

Introduction & Conclusion

You have a strong introduction and conclusion, which frames your argument excellently. This helps the reader understand your position and provides a sense of closure by the end of the essay.

Logical Structure

Your essay maintains a logical structure throughout, which makes it easy to follow your arguments. This is a key aspect of high-scoring IELTS essays.

Supported Main Points

You used relevant and specific examples to support your main points, which strengthens your arguments. This not only shows a clear understanding of the topic but also makes your essay more persuasive.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

370 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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