Some people think that living in big cities is bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is believed that living in major
cities
takes a heavy toll on people
’s well-being. This
essay completely agrees with this
statement.
The first argument supporting my opinion is that the living environment in many big cities
is deteriorating, posing a direct threat to citizens’ physical health
. With various job opportunities, large cities
tend to attract a significant portion of people
from other regions, contributing to the escalating population. More people
inevitably means the rising demand for activities requiring burning fossil fuels to generate electricity, support transportation, and burn waste, from which most fine particles that pollute the air come. Living in major cities
, with every breath taken, people
tend to inhale harmful pollutants that can damage their lungs, hearts
, and lead to a host of other Correct word choice
and hearts
health
problems. The situation exacerbates
when the growing population density Wrong verb form
is exacerbated
also
leads to skyrocketing property prices, which makes finding Correct article usage
apply
a
good accommodation challenging for many Correct article usage
apply
people
, especially ordinary office workers or the working class. Consequently
, people
have no choice but to live in cramped and substandard housing conditions, which may lack proper ventilation, sanitation, and maintenance. This
can contribute to various health
problems, including allergies, infections, and mental stress.
In addition
to physical wellness, the frenetic lifestyle in big cities
also
exerts adverse effects on people
’s mental health
. To cover expensive living expenses and accommodation costs, many individuals in big cities
must work hard; some even juggle multiple jobs to sustain their lives. This
situation means that proper rest or quality time with family or friends is usually considered a rarity, causing many people
to suffer from chronic anxiety, loneliness, and other mental ailments. For instance
, Ho Chi Minh City, a metropolis in Vietnam, is infamous for its exorbitant costs, with a large proportion of young individuals suffering from mental exhaustion as they get stuck in the vicious circle of working most of the time and spending most of their salaries just to cover basic living expenses. This
is why I believe that the fast-paced lifestyle coupled with
the high cost of living makes living in big cities
very stressful.
In conclusion, I wholeheartedly agree that living in major cities
brings about destructive impacts on both the mental and physical well-being of citizens.Submitted by lel819094 on
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Task Response
Your essay addresses the topic very well, and you clearly agree with the statement made. Ensure you diversify your vocabulary to avoid repetition of certain words and phrases, which can slightly affect the fluidity of your writing.
Coherence and Cohesion
While your essay is well-organized, using transition words and phrases more effectively could enhance the readability even further. Consider incorporating a broader range of connectives to guide the reader through your points. You can use words like 'moreover,' 'furthermore,' or 'in addition' to link your ideas more smoothly.
Introduction & Conclusion
You have a strong introduction and conclusion, which frames your argument excellently. This helps the reader understand your position and provides a sense of closure by the end of the essay.
Logical Structure
Your essay maintains a logical structure throughout, which makes it easy to follow your arguments. This is a key aspect of high-scoring IELTS essays.
Supported Main Points
You used relevant and specific examples to support your main points, which strengthens your arguments. This not only shows a clear understanding of the topic but also makes your essay more persuasive.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?