Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some people hold the view that
children
Use synonyms
always waste their time on their smartphones and there are many reasons for that problem. from my observation, I suppose that
this
Linking Words
habit has many negative results for kids and teenagers, which I will discuss in
this
Linking Words
essay. From my perspective, I believe that there are many factors leading to the reliance of the young generation on their phones. First of all, the important reason is that parents aren'
t
Use synonyms
pay attention to their
children
Use synonyms
and it creates separation from each other,
this
Linking Words
excuse can make youngsters feel alone and they use smartphones to cover up disappointment.
Besides
Linking Words
that, many traditional games are impossible to attract as much as video games and it makes teenagers bored. Moving In my opinion, the above reasons make young people have negative effects and serious problems.
For example
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
waste too much time using social media which makes them lack communication skills and they can easily be affected by mental health problems.
Moreover
Linking Words
, youngster will not pay attention to their studies so they can'
t
Use synonyms
demolish their learning results, it's
also
Linking Words
can make them disappointed in themselves.
Last
Linking Words
but not least, the generation gap is increasing because
children
Use synonyms
don'
t
Use synonyms
want to share their stories with their family members
such
Linking Words
as the kids aren'
t
Use synonyms
joining in outdoor activities with their families. In conclusion, I hold the strong belief that teenagers relying on smartphones too much will create negative outcomes for themselves which can bring phenomena to future generations.
Submitted by ieltswritingpracticedl on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to introduce more specific examples or statistics to support your points. This will strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Review grammar and word choice to avoid repetitive or awkward phrasing. For example, instead of saying 'aren't pay attention,' say 'aren't paying attention.' This will improve the fluency of your writing.
task achievement
You have clearly identified the reasons and effects of children spending hours on smartphones. This displays your understanding of the topic and helps in task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in giving it a good structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
What to do next:
Look at other essays: