IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people use social media to keep in touch with other people and news events. Do you think the advantages of this technology outweigh the disadvantages?

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It is believed that these days
people
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 communicate with their
friends
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 and family members over social media to get in touch with each other.
While
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 many
people
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 argue that the
use
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 of technology creates a gap in face-to-face meetings and
health
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 problems. I believe that
due to
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 getting immediate responses and talking with their dear ones the
use
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 of technology is beneficial in society.
This
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 essay will discuss why
this
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 trend outweighs the disadvantages. There are two reasons,
health
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 and communication. One is that it affects
health
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 because of the less movement of a person’s body and the lack of exercise .
As a result
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,
people
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 suffer from obesity issues. Another factor is that
people
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use
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 Facebook, and
Whatsapp
Correct your spelling
WhatsApp
show examples
 applications to talk with their family members and
friends
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, so it becomes hard for them to meet physically each other, which creates a communication gap among them.
For example
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, the busy schedules of workers they cannot meet in person, so they communicate with
friends
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 and family members remotely over video and phone calls.
On the other hand
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,
people
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use
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 these gadgets to contact immediately with their families and save time to travel and meet them in person.
As a consequence
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, it saves time and transport costs for them and reduces environmental pollution issues.
In addition
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, in emergencies,
people
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 send and receive messages in groups to save the lives of the
people
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 if any accident happens.
For instance
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, in Japan, when T-sunami hit the coast many folks already conveyed messages to their
friends
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 and others.
As a consequence
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, it is evident that social media is vital for society to save lives and time of everyone. In conclusion, following the analysis,
it is clear that
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 the
use
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 of digital media and following news are beneficial to keep in touch with their families and
friends
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 but excess
use
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 may create a
health
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 and communication gap between them, so they must
use
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 wisely to keep balance in society and
health
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.

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task achievement
Ensure your essay addresses all parts of the task comprehensively. While your arguments are clear, try to address potential counterarguments or provide more depth to your points.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has one main idea and that your supporting points clearly relate to this main idea. This will help your essay flow better and be easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Work on your transitions between points and paragraphs. They help in maintaining the reader's flow and understanding of your argument.
task achievement
Your examples are relevant and specific, which helps support your main points effectively.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame your essay well.
task achievement
The essay addresses both advantages and disadvantages of social media, providing a complete response to the task.
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