IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people say that governments should pay for public health care and education, while others say that it is not governments’ responsibility. Please discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #governments #health #care #education #governments’ #responsibility
It is true that in
this
 day and age, opinion is divided over whether governments ought to pay public
health
care
 fees and education. In
this
 essay, I will look at both sides of
this
 debate
as well as
 offer my own point of view. Turning first of all to the arguments in favour of
this
 idea, it goes without saying that even the
government
 afford the money for
health
care
, it relies on patients' daily
health
care
.
For instance
, tooth decay is caused by not brushing their teeth completely. At the same time, if the
government
 pays the fee for
health
care
 and tuition the
government
 need to collect the money from the tax which will lead to a tax rise.
Further more
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
show examples
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 might need to use the
budgets
Fix the agreement mistake
budget
show examples
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 technology improvement or other
oppertunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
. As far as the other side of
this
 debate is concerned, it goes without saying that if the
government
 give financial support with medical and education, the number of homeless might decrease which may lead to public safety. It may
also
 be worth noting that individual can spend their money on other resources
such
 as hobbies or amuses which might connect to improve their quality of life. By way of conclusion, from the ideas and examples above it can be seen that there are valid arguments on both sides of
this
 debate.
However
, I am of the opinion that in the grand scheme of things, the advantage of
government
 paying the fee for tuition and medical
care
 outweighs the disadvantage of affording.
Submitted by yusei.nakano.0516 on

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task achievement
Your essay presents a well-constructed discussion on both sides of the argument. However, to further improve, provide more specific examples to strengthen your points. For instance, examples from actual countries can help illustrate your points better.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure is generally clear, but a more organized separation of ideas would be beneficial. Consider using clearer topic sentences and connecting phrases to explicitly guide the reader through your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion are present and effective, ensure your paragraphs are more balanced in content. Some ideas feel rushed or underdeveloped. Spend a bit more time elaborating on each point, possibly splitting longer paragraphs into more focused, shorter ones.
task achievement
Your essay covers both sides of the argument well and provides a personal opinion, which is required by the task.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and concise, summarizing the essay well.
task achievement
Your ideas are generally clear and easy to follow, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • **Equal Access**
  • **Economic Growth**
  • **Public Good**
  • **Preventative Measures**
  • **Social Stability**
  • **Financial Burden**
  • **Efficiency Issues**
  • **Limited Choice**
  • **Innovation**
  • **Moral Hazard**
  • fundamental human rights
  • socioeconomic status
  • productive population
  • social inequality
  • bureaucracy
  • competitive pressures
  • innovation
  • preventative measures
  • publicly funded
  • healthcare and education services
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