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Band 6.5

The natural resources such as oil, forests, and fresh water are being consumed at an alarming rate. What problems does it cause? How can we solve this problems ?

#resources #oil #forests #water #rate
Our planet's finite
resources
 are being depleted at an unsustainable pace can challenge life humans and creatures and lead to environmental
problems
. In my view,
this
 situation
through
Add a missing verb
is through
show examples
governments
 and individuals. The over-consumption of natural
resources
 poses a significant threat to fauna and plant life.
For instance
, the excessive use of fuels leads to the release of greenhouse gases into the atmosphere, which is harmful to creatures and even contributes to climate change and global warming.
Furthermore
, deforestation causes soil erosion.
this
 means, that without the canopy of trees to slow down rainfall, the force of the
water
 hitting the ground can cause more soil to be moved.
This
 can result in landslides, mudflows, and sedimentation in nearby waterways, which is detrimental to many life forms both terrestrial and aquatic. Excessive
water
 consumption
also
 leads to droughts. To address these
problems
, several steps could be taken by both
governments
 and individuals to solve these
problems
. On the government level, stringent policies must be made to limit the production of oil and logging industries that cut down trees without permission should be punished.
Governments
also
 can support experts could distil
water
 from the sea and transport the distilled
water
 to these nations where people are in need.
Additionally
, could replace fossil fuel with electricity solar, or wind power,
this
 way, can not only have cleaner air to breathe but
also
 a more stable economy in the future when oil supplies run dry. Individuals, by doing simple works
such
 as using public transportation, planting trees, less consumption of
water
 and care of the environment. Can conserve these vital
resources
. In sum ,
Although
 essential natural
resources
 like fossil fuels, woodland and clean
water
 are running dry and
lead
Wrong verb form
leading
show examples
 to a lot of
problems
 for our planet, in my opinion, coordinating people and
governments
 by reducing consumption and replacing energies, diminishes
this
 trend.
Submitted by ghorabibita on

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coherence cohesion
Try to make your introduction more engaging and clearly state the problem and solutions. This will create a stronger impact from the beginning.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are slightly unclear or awkward. Make sure to review and refine sentence structures to improve clarity.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to illustrate your points more vividly and convincingly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and logically connects to the next to improve overall flow and coherence.
task achievement
You have covered a wide range of important points regarding the depletion of natural resources and provided reasonable solutions.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your essay contains clear ideas and suggestions for both government and individual actions to solve the problem.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • non-renewable resources
  • economic instability
  • water shortages
  • agricultural production
  • deforestation
  • biodiversity
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • global warming
  • sustainable management
  • conservation
  • alternative energy
  • afforestation
  • reforestation
  • water conservation
  • responsible consumption
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