IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The plan below show a school in 1985 and the school now. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

#plan #show #school #information #features #comparisons
The map shows the transformation that
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 occurred in a local school area since 1985 until these days.
Overall
, the most notable change is in the enlargement of infrastructure by adding new facilities for students;
however
, the number of students grew from 1500 to 2300 throughout the whole period.
To begin
 with, there were a couple of major changes in the school. The road connecting the entrance and exit and continuing to the playing field was demolished, and
instead
 of
this
, a direct connection of the entrance in the shape of an oval was constructed.
Next,
the car park located on the north side of the classrooms was destroyed as well.
Moreover
, new buildings across the whole territory were sprung up.
Firstly
, the library was divided into two different parts, which are the learning resources centre and classrooms.
Furthermore
, the computer room took place inside a learning resources centre. The northwest region of the playing field, in fact, was the new place for two sports facilities put up next to each other. Classrooms in the east were transformed into one two-floor building.
Submitted by Umar on

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task achievement
You have provided a clear summary of the major changes that have taken place in the school area, which is good. However, be sure to provide a bit more detail to fully cover all aspects of the maps provided.
task achievement
Your ideas are generally clear, but small improvements in clarity and comprehensiveness would be beneficial. For example, detailing out whether the removal of the car park led to creating more space for other amenities might add value.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is good, with a clear introduction and description, but make sure that all points are equally developed. For instance, you mentioned the increase in student numbers, but did not connect this directly to the infrastructural changes.
coherence cohesion
Try to avoid small grammatical mistakes and maintain sentence variety to further improve readability. For instance, 'sprung up' might be better framed as 'were constructed' for a formal tone.
task achievement
You have effectively highlighted the major changes that occurred over the years, which clearly addresses the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, contributing to a structured and coherent essay.
task achievement
Good use of specific examples like the development of new sports facilities and the re-purposing of buildings enhances the clarity of your description.
coherence cohesion
Maintained a logical flow by following a clear progression from past to present.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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