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Band 6.5

It is thought by some that is better to live in a city while others believe it is better to live in the countryside. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#city #countryside
Some individuals believe that living in a
city
 is better than living in the
countryside
. The writer of
this
 essay argues that even though the
city
 provides high-quality
healthcare
, individuals should live in the
countryside
due to
 the clean atmosphere and
tranquility
Change the spelling
tranquillity
show examples
. It must be understood that a good standard of
healthcare
 is a significant benefit
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
cities
.
In other words
, the
city
 is a densely populated and economically viable location, so the authorities always focus on
healthcare
 by funding the training of skilled doctors and nurses, and investing in facilities with good medical devices. Consider Vietnam as an example; the top hospitals are always located in big
cities
such
 as HCMC and Ha Noi, and residents from various provinces typically visit these hospitals to treat serious illnesses.
However
, a healthy environment is a crucial element that
cities
 rarely possess.
This
 is because the dense population in
cities
 creates a lot of toxic gases from vehicles and factories, compared to the
countryside
 where the release of these substances is far less
due to
 a sparse population.
As a result
, pollution is the main problem in
cities
,
while
 the
countryside
 is much cleaner. In my opinion, individuals can enjoy the
tranquility
Change the spelling
tranquillity
show examples
 of the
countryside
. To put it simply, the rapid pace of urban life creates noise from vehicles and factories, leading to noise pollution.
Nevertheless
, the slower pace in the
countryside
 restricts noise and fosters peaceful living conditions.
Consequently
, the elderly are likely to live in the
countryside
 as they want to immerse themselves in serenity
instead
 of the disturbances found in urban areas. In conclusion, despite the benefits people can derive from good
healthcare
 services in a
city
, it is better to live in suburban areas because of the clean air and serenity.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay's overall structure is clear, but ensuring a smoother transition between the points can further enhance readability. For instance, linking the paragraph about healthcare more fluidly to the subsequent paragraph on the environment could improve coherence.
task achievement
While you have provided relevant examples, integrating more diverse examples or statistics can make your argument stronger and more convincing. Additionally, addressing potential counter-arguments and refuting them can show a higher level of critical thinking.
coherence cohesion
Your essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your argument.
task achievement
The main points are well-developed and supported with relevant examples, particularly with the example about Vietnam.
task achievement
The essay addresses both views of the topic and clearly states your own opinion, fulfilling the task requirements comprehensively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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