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Writing Samples /
Band 7

`Nowadays, a lot of information about medical conditions and illnesses is freely available on the internet. Is this a good thing or a bad thing for most people? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

#`nowadays #information #conditions #illnesses #internet #people
These days,
due to
 the widespread availability of the Internet around the world, most
information
, including details about medical conditions and
diseases
, can be found on
Google
 or other online platforms.
While
 finding
information
 about medical conditions on
Google
 can be beneficial for
people
 to understand their symptoms before visiting a
doctor
,
this
 approach can
also
 be dangerous. Some individuals, after learning about their health issues online, may prefer to self-medicate without consulting a healthcare professional, which can lead to serious risks.
Firstly
, there are many
people
 who like to find their health issues before going to doctors and
then
 tell the doctors what they find about their issue to check if it's true or not, which will help the
doctor
 to find the issue quickly and give them the correct treatment. To explain, some
people
 before going to the hospital like to search about the sources of symptoms and about the
diseases
 to help the doctors to find the final result and the correct solution.
For example
, when the individual feels a headache he searches for the source which will be either a lack of water, a lack of sleep, or other
diseases
 and
then
 they go to the
doctor
 to confirm if it's true or not and what is the solution to tackle
this
 issue.
Secondly
, other
people
 who search on
Google
then
 they do not go to the
doctor
 to check if the
information
 is true or not they will face dangerous conditions. To clarify, some symptoms come from unknown
diseases
, which means that the correct medicine is not represented in
Google
 or other online programs.
For instance
, stomach ache can affect a person because of cancer in the stomach but the internet represented because of a lack of water.
To sum up
,
while
 obtaining medical
information
 from the internet can be helpful, it can sometimes lead to harmful consequences if not approached with caution.
Submitted by alharrasialanood7 on

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task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt well and discusses both positives and negatives of accessing medical information online. However, expanding on the examples and providing more detailed explanations would strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that you maintain a clear and consistent flow of ideas throughout the essay. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence that states the main idea, followed by supporting sentences. This will improve overall readability and coherence.
coherence cohesion
Consider refining your thesis statement to better reflect the main argument made in the essay. This will help in creating a more focused and cohesive response.
overall
Careful proofreading and editing can help in eliminating minor grammatical errors and improving sentence structures to ensure clarity and precision in your writing.
overall
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, framing the discussion effectively.
task achievement
The discussion presents both sides of the argument, indicating a balanced perspective.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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