IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believes that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

A vast majority of
people
Use synonyms
 think that engaging in a competitive
environment
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as the
workplace
Use synonyms
, educational centre, and in our everyday life is a good
practise
Correct your spelling
practice
show examples
,
while
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 others think being in
cooperative
Correct article usage
a cooperative
show examples
environment
Use synonyms
 is better. In my opinion, I believe that a collaborative
environment
Use synonyms
 breeds a positive
altitude
Correct your spelling
attitude
show examples
,
while
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Use synonyms
competition
Add an article
the competition
show examples
 promotes
setback
Fix the agreement mistake
setbacks
show examples
. On the one hand, many
people
Use synonyms
 think that engaging in
competition
Use synonyms
 is
way
Correct article usage
a way
show examples
 to know who does the job better.
However
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,
competition
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at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
workplace
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 can
folster
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foster
bolster
 many
setback
Change to a plural noun
setbacks
show examples
 in terms of completing a task or project.
For example
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,
researched
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research
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 conducted by students in data analysis revealed that 80 per cent of
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 lost
there
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their
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
due to
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 the competitive nature
at
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
workplace
Use synonyms
 because some of them wanted to please
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 boss for a
higer
Correct your spelling
higher
 reward.
Therefore
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,
competition
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 can
also
Linking Words
 cause jealousy
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
workplace
Use synonyms
 or in our daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
,
people
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 should learn to put
competion
Correct your spelling
competition
 aside to promote
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
evironment
Correct your spelling
environment
 for growth.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, team collaboration is one way to promote a productive
workplace
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. Many
people
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 believe
this
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 because
this
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 can help build
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
creative development and
problem solving
Add a hyphen
problem-solving
show examples
 by sharing ideas and
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
show examples
.
For instance
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, a group of students got a good grade in their subject, because every individual in the group
participarted
Correct your spelling
participated
 and shared common ideas to achieve the
project
Change noun form
project's
show examples
 aim and objective.
Hence
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,
people
Use synonyms
 should learn to cooperate to
folster
Correct your spelling
foster
bolster
 a positive
altitude
Correct your spelling
attitude
show examples
. In conclusion, I believe that both arguments have their merits.
However
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, cooperation at the
workplace
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 can enhance
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
global prosperity, productivity,
effieciency
Correct your spelling
efficiency
, and a positive
environment
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,
while
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competition
Use synonyms
 can cause major
setback
Fix the agreement mistake
setbacks
show examples
 in getting
a tasks
Correct the article-noun agreement
tasks
a task
show examples
complete
Replace the word
completed
show examples
.

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task response
Ensure that your introduction clearly sets out the main points you plan to discuss in the essay. This will help create a roadmap for the reader.
coherence cohesion
Try to avoid small spelling and grammatical errors. While these were minor, they can hinder the reader's understanding. For example, 'folster' should be 'foster' and 'altitude' should be 'attitude'.
task response
Expand on your points with more detailed examples or statistics to better support your arguments. This will make your essay more persuasive and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with paragraphs that discuss both views and a conclusion that presents your opinion.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your arguments, which helps to clarify your points.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
What to do next:
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