IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

People move to different location to live in. what are the reasons? is it a positive or negative development?

#people #move #location #development
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Centuries ago,when
travel
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 facilities were only in the budding stage, the human population stayed in
one
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 geographical location for the entire lifetime.
Whereas
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, the mobility of communities is rapidly evolving now.
One
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 can say that
this
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 is a positive
development
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 despite some deleterious effects of
this
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 migration.
This
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 essay examines the causes of
this
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 movement of
people
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 and why it is a positive
development
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.
To begin
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 with, the first and foremost reason for
people
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 to
travel
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 is that the distribution of the resources on the Earth is not uniform. When a community is saturated with population, the resources become scarce to thrive. So individuals with greater potential start to think about exploring far places.
For example
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, unemployment in developing countries drives
people
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 to the West.
In addition
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,
travel
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 facilities are much faster nowadays, which allows us to commute safely and faster.
For instance
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, long ago, only ships were used to reach far shores, which consumed a lot of time and the health of the sailors was
also
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 at risk. But air
travel
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 has revolutionised the movement now and
people
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 move easily to different places.
One
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 can easily consider
this
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 as a positive indicator
although
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 there are some negatives. The reason, why
this
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 is so, is that a mobile community adds variety which enables the community to grow as a whole rather than being stagnant.
People
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 from different places nourish the culture. The best example of
this
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 is Britain. The migrant workforce has given an all-inclusive work culture in their NHS.
Hence
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,
one
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 can say that it is a positive
development
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.
To conclude
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, mankind has always been wandering to find the best location to live in, and in the contemporary world, it has sped up a lot. It is a positive
development
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 and should be encouraged.
Submitted by krishnabalu1984 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve your score in coherence and cohesion, try to make sure each paragraph flows smoothly from one idea to the next. Using more linking words and phrases can help with this. Also, each main idea should be clearly separated into different paragraphs for better readability.
task achievement
Further elaborate on your main points to make your argument more compelling. Although your points are relevant, adding a few more specific examples and detailed explanations could strengthen your response.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frames your arguments.
task achievement
You provided relevant and specific examples that strengthened your arguments, such as the mention of unemployment in developing countries and the impact of air travel.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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