Some are of the opinion that children below the age of 12 shouldn’t be allowed to have a mobile phone. Others believe that mobile phones are a useful tool for children of all ages. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Some argue that the provision of smartphones should be permitted to
children
from 12 years old onwards, whereas
others completely disagree and imply that anyone (including children
who are much younger) should have the opportunity to use one and enjoy its benefits. This
essay agrees that although
mobile phones are able to provide useful tools, they do not overweigh
the high risks that they might bring to a very young person.
On one hand, the variety of advantages that are found thanks to the digital system applied in a smartphone, are incredible. From making a Verb problem
outweigh
videocall
, sending instant messages and contacting anyone who lives on the other side of the world to watching educational videos that help Correct your spelling
video call
toodlers
, preschoolers and any child to acquire knowledge through a more enjoyable experience. All of these represent a massive Correct your spelling
toddlers
technology
evolution with a Replace the word
technological
benficial
impact towards the way young generations apply knowledge. Correct your spelling
beneficial
For example
, educational videos such
as "Blippi" (a man making videos about any topic which includes songs for children
) on the YouTube website have bit
a great support for any young learner.
Verb problem
been
On the other hand
, despite of
all the advantages of using phones, is it possible to say that they are Change preposition
apply
complete
safe for everyone? When surfing on the internet, the risks faced are high, especially for kids who are in a more vulnerable position to be the target of scammers or people whose intentions are to manipulate them. Change the word
completely
For example
, there are numerous child abusers who hide behind a screen in order to take advantage of the children
's vulnerability to catch their attention through the delivery of messages in order to apply "children
grooming". Fix the agreement mistake
child
Although
some websites keep certain security, the risk of falling into this
kind of traps
will always be there. Unfortunately, the younger the users, the greater the risk.
In conclusion, it is undeniable the great Fix the agreement mistake
trap
adavantages
that mobile phones have brought Correct your spelling
advantages
advantage
with
the years for people of all ages. Change preposition
over
Nevertheless
, from my point of view, it is evident that the risks presented (especially for the youngest ones) represent a much higher disadvantage which should stop parents from providing this
kind of digital devices to their children
.Submitted by nila.hiperu on
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task achievement
Overall, you have effectively addressed both viewpoints, and your opinion is clear. However, refining the introductory sentence to better preface the discussion might improve clarity. Consider simplifying sentences for clearer communication.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is coherent and cohesive. However, smoother transitions between points could enhance readability. For example, in your second paragraph, phrase transitions can be used more strategically. For example: 'While smartphones offer numerous advantages such as video calls and educational videos...'.
task achievement
Ensure all main points are equally supported with substantial examples and evidence. For instance, while you provided a relevant example for educational benefits, it would be more balanced to also include specific cases tied to the security risks, such as recent events or studies on children and technology use.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly presents both perspectives and states your stance, setting a strong foundation for the essay.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively restates your opinion and summarizes the key arguments, reinforcing the response to the task.
coherence cohesion
Your essay maintains logical structure and development, making it easy to follow your argument.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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