Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Mandatory military service for men after finishing high school is very common in many countries. some people think it is a great idea and it should be implemented in all countries and it can be applied to women as well. In my opinion, I agree with informing
this
system as it can build an excellent sense of discipline and improve all countries' citizens
military status Change noun form
citizens'
citizen's
however
I strongly disagree with recruiting females in the army.
military training can provide a very disciplined and honest personality that values hard work. improving future generations' morals and helping them to face adult life
with excellent boundaries and start their life
on the right foot. many great leaders and businessmen have served in the military at one point in their lives such
as Fredrick Smith the founder of the FEDEX company, Gorge Push former United States president and even the late Queen Elizabeth of England have served in the military.
On the other hand
, some people argue this
is too harsh on those who just finished their teen years.However
, this
young mind can have a lot of irrational ideas just to have the urge to repel against all authorities in their life
. this
can be very dangerous in a lot of ways as it can not only affect national screwy it could ruin the personal life
of all people related to this
person. many wars and retaliation against many government authorities have gone wrong because of similar actions example the war in Syria between parties is largely thought to be because of a teen who killed a high figure as retaliation against the local party.
In conclusion, serving in the army for a short period of time will affect future men of any country in a very positive way, by improving their leadership skills and obedience and increasing their sense of loyalty to their own country.Submitted by fatimahalsalman215 on
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task achievement
Your introduction sets the topic and presents your viewpoint clearly, which is good. However, you referred to this system as 'informing this system,' which seems like a small error. Consider revising it to something like 'implementing this system' for clarity.
task achievement
In your body paragraphs, you provide relevant points and examples. However, there are some inaccuracies and grammatical issues that could obscure your message. Ensure grammatical consistency and reduce minor errors for a higher score.
task achievement
You have addressed the prompt adequately and presented a clear opinion. However, the argument against compulsory service for women is not fully elaborated. Adding more substance to this part of your essay would strengthen your task response score.
coherence cohesion
The essay is generally well-structured but could benefit from clearer topic sentences and transitions between ideas. This will help increase the coherence and cohesion of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes your stance well but could be more robust. Incorporating a brief summary of the main points discussed would make your conclusion stronger.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples to support your points, such as mentioning famous individuals who have served in the military.
task achievement
Your essay presents clear opinions and reasons for your stance, which is essential for a good task response.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is logical, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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