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Band 6.5

Some people think sports games are important for society, while others believe they should be taken as leisure activities. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #sports #games #society #leisure #activities
Some people hold the view that they are necessary to do physical activities for society,
while
 others claim that doing pursuit in their free time is better. My opinion will be discussed in
this
 essay. On the one hand, I suppose that there are persuasive rationales for why playing sports games is a necessary and crucial part of society. First of all, the union is the traditional culture in our country so I have a strong belief that playing sports will push the high team spirit and follow our culture.
Besides
 that, the young generation can improve their communication skills by connecting with new friends,
this
 factor will create good relationships in the future.
On the other hand
,
although
 diversion games are significant, leisure hobbies suitable for minorities who have weak physical health and suffer from injuries. From my observation, I hold the belief that some people don’t have much time to do physical activities.
Instead
, they can handle some leisure activities including jogging, taking care of the plants or even taking up a piece of music.
Moreover
, young people nowadays are surfing social media in their break time to reduce stress after school or they will do exercise at home with their parents. In conclusion, I still lean towards the opinion that playing sports is always essential because I think it can improve their communication skills, develop social relationships and
also
 help youngsters own good health.
Submitted by ieltswritingpracticedl on

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General
Your essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your argument well.
Coherence
For coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly. While you have logical points, sometimes the ideas feel somewhat disjointed.
Task Response
You clearly address both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced approach.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively sums up your opinion and reinforces your main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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