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Band 5

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Disscuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #attention #disscuss
Advertising is really effective
to lead
Change preposition
in leading
show examples
 people to buy their things,
otherwise
Add a comma
otherwise,
show examples
 there is another opinion that it is so common that it is no longer effective. First of all, advertising not only gives us
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
product information but
also
 imprints the
brands
.
For example
, there are diverse bed
brands
however
 we only know a few bed
brands
such
 as Simmons, Iloom, Casamia and Ace. If we try to buy the bed,
then
 we are likely to visit those
brands
.
On the other hand
, too many advertisements exist these days and it makes us tired. I used to pay attention to advertisements when I watched
Youtube
Correct your spelling
YouTube
show examples
 videos in the early days,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 I skip the advertisement immediately when it pops out these days.
Therefore
, advertising is not only ineffective but
also
 makes us tired. Ultimately, it gives us a negative image. I agree that advertising is too common so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
we no longer pay attention to it and it no longer drives us to buy things directly.
However
, the more a
brand
 advertises
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 own
brand
 the more people are getting familiar with the
brand
. Most consumers have a tendency
of buying
Change preposition
to buy
show examples
 familiar stuff so they will consume a familiar
brand
, which means advertisements make people buy their things eventually. To summarise, advertising has both positive and negative sides.
However
, I personally think advertising is still effective and useful for many reasons.
That is
 the reason why many companies still spend
numerous
Fix the agreement mistake
a lot of
show examples
 money on advertising and why many advertising companies exist.
Submitted by jyy990608 on

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, mentioning particular advertisement campaigns could help illustrate your points more vividly.
coherence cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures to keep the reader engaged. Try to mix simple, compound, and complex sentences throughout your text.
task achievement
Be careful with minor grammatical errors. Proofreading your essay for small inaccuracies can elevate your overall writing quality.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear structure with a solid introduction and conclusion. This helps the reader follow your train of thought easily.
task achievement
You balanced both sides of the argument well, showcasing your ability to discuss multiple perspectives intelligently.
task achievement
The ideas presented are generally clear and easy to understand, which adds to the overall readability of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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