IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number o young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

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Nowadays, the number of
Use synonyms
youngers
Correct your spelling
young
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 are is quite more than elderly people in some parts of the world. In
this
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 situation,
although
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 the governments would face
with
Change preposition
apply
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different challenges, I believe that the benefits of
this
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 trend outweigh the drawbacks because it helps to
growth
Correct article usage
the growth
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 of the society
overall
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. In countries where the proportion of
youngers
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 more, hope for the future
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
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 significantly.
That is
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, they tend to create social transformation
as well as
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 correct the issues in local cultures which prevent the development of their country
while
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 the elderly people adapt themselves
with
Change preposition
to
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 any
occasions
Fix the agreement mistake
occasion
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.
Moreover
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, authorities can invest more budget for
growth
Correct article usage
the growth
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 of
Use synonyms
youngers
Correct your spelling
younger
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instead
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 of decrepitude caring.
For example
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, in undeveloped countries, retirements struggle
to
Change preposition
with
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 various skeletal-muscular diseases
which
Correct word choice
and
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 checking and curing them need to essential support of
insurances
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insurance
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.
However
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, the large number of
Use synonyms
youngers
Correct your spelling
younger
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are
Verb problem
people is
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valuable
Add an article
a valuable
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 investment, they
also
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 are able to generate important challenges for countries.
For instance
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, in Iran, contesting for education in university, and entering the graduated students to job market have increased for a long time. If the government cannot provide suitable occasions, and conduct
proper
Correct article usage
a proper
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 plan for human resources, they will immigrate hopelessly.
To conclude
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,
although
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 the management of younger adults
have
Change the verb form
has
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 particular
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
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, they can be completely beneficial, and governments should consider the
youngers
Use synonyms
 as potential opportunities to develop the economy and society.

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coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will help the reader follow your arguments more easily.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and elaborate on how they support your main points.
task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that is well supported with evidence and explanation.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which frame the discussion well.
task achievement
You addressed both the advantages and disadvantages of having a younger population, which shows a balanced approach to the topic.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • innovation
  • skilled labor
  • social development
  • technology
  • dividend
  • competition
  • resources
  • social welfare
  • unrest
  • instability
  • healthcare
  • elderly care
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