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Band 5

Many countries today are experiencing high levels of migration from rural areas to cities. What are the causes of this trend, and what effects does it have on the existing city dwellers?

#countries #levels #migration #areas #cities #trend #effects #city #dwellers
Nowadays, in many parts of the
world
Add a comma
world,
show examples
 the population of
cities
 is increasing
in
Change preposition
as
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 result of leaving the
villages
 toward them.
This
 trend has main causes, and
also
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
considerable damaging effects on urbanization. The first reason that people prefer to live in
cities
 than rural areas is the lack
educational
Change preposition
of educational
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 centers in
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
.
For example
, some Iranian students who live in
villages
 must commute to
cities
 to study in various grades from elementary to university in different
climate
Fix the agreement mistake
climates
show examples
due to
 the shortage of suitable facilities.
Moreover
, income in
outback
Add an article
the outback
show examples
 is limited to special jobs relevant to
villages
 which often are inadequate, and those jobs are not permanent,
such
 as agriculture which is a seasonal job.
Thus
, they do not have great chances as same as city residents in terms of earning money.
Lastly
,
live
Wrong verb form
living
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 in a multicultural environment of
cities
 appeals to bucolics because it provides opportunities to face with other side of life, and learn new lifestyles from others.
On the other hand
, the city dwellers will be faced with various problems by the extensive migration
such
 as a drastic rise in noise and air pollution.
Furthermore
, the competition
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 job vacancies
is
Verb problem
has
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 increased enormously because the people who live in
country sides
Correct your spelling
the countryside
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 attempt harder
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
improvement
Replace the word
improve
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 their economic status.
In addition
, the overcrowding of
cities
effects
Correct your spelling
affects
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
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accommodation rents.
For example
, if the requests
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 housing go up, the landlords will prefer to hire houses out
in
Change preposition
at
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upper
Correct word choice
higher
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 prices rather than
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 past. In conclusion,
due to
 the fact that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the countryside is becoming empty
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 migration, the governments should promote the privileges of rural life through media, and allocate some budgets for developing the quality of life in
villages
.
Submitted by raha.roham1994 on

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task achievement
The essay responds well to the task by addressing both the causes and effects of migration from rural areas to cities. However, expanding a bit more on the explanations and providing more variety in examples could strengthen the task achievement.
task achievement
To improve clarity and comprehensiveness, ensure varied sentence structures and link ideas more effectively. Some points were repetitive, and others needed elaboration.
coherence cohesion
Use more transitional words and phrases to connect ideas smoothly. Varied sentence structures will help maintain reader interest and improve the essay's flow.
coherence cohesion
Provide a clearer structure by equally weight the causes and effects in your paragraphs. Also, ensure each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea.
task achievement
The essay covers the two main parts of the prompt thoroughly: causes of rural-to-urban migration and its effects on city dwellers.
task achievement
Examples provided are relevant and support the main points. This adds value to the arguments presented.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in providing a complete and rounded argument.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical and each paragraph transitions well into the next, making it easy to follow the writer's line of thought.
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