IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Governments should offer a free health care system to their citizens rather than relying on private health care. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement?

#governments #offer #health #care #system #citizens
It is often said that providing a free health care system for communities by governments is better than visiting private hospitals for citizens. I entirely agree with
this
 view and believe that
this
 opinion has come about for several reasons.
To begin
 with, there is a developmental increase in universal access
that is
 useful and necessary for all residents, including those without economic conditions.
This
 is because free medical
services
ensures
Change the verb form
ensure
show examples
 all citizens, regardless of income, have access to medical
services
, leading to a healthier population
overall
.
For instance
, the National Health Service (NHS) of the United Kingdom (UK) is a
healthcare
 system sponsored by the government, that provides free
healthcare
services
 for all UK citizens for the long term. They have a guarantee of approach to good quality medical
services
 for people of any class.
Hence
, NHS is considered one of the best medical management in the world
by
Change preposition
because
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 significantly
improving
Wrong verb form
improves
show examples
 the wellness of many UK residents. There is
also
 a good ground for financial protection.
Due to
 the high cost of medical examination and treatment, sponsoring expenses by the government can support any part of patients. Granted, it is possible that hospitals cost lots of cash for medical equipment and machinery, but government-funded
healthcare
 reduces the financial burden on families, preventing medical bankruptcies and reducing poverty related to
healthcare
 costs.
To sum up
,
although
 managing the health of all society is impossible, investing a portion of finance in everyone’s medical treatment will be supported and can be promoted in the long term.
Submitted by hachuhachuha on

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coherence cohesion
Consider adding a clearer thesis statement to provide a more defined structure to your introduction.
task achievement
Work on elaborating your ideas more comprehensively in some areas. For instance, discussing potential drawbacks or counterarguments can strengthen your essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that all sentences within the paragraph relate directly to that topic.
task achievement
Your essay covers relevant and specific examples, such as the reference to the NHS in the UK. This helps to substantiate your points effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with clear paragraphs, including a discernible introduction and conclusion.
supported main points
Your argument is supported by logical reasoning, particularly when discussing the financial protection offered by free healthcare.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal access
  • financial protection
  • medical bankruptcies
  • preventive care
  • early detection
  • disparities
  • social justice
  • resource limitations
  • economic impact
  • taxes
  • reallocation of funds
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