IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some large cities, people have to pay a fee when they drive their cars into the city centre, in a policy to reduce the number of cars in the city. Give reasons in support of and opposing this policy, and give your own opinion.

#cities #people #fee #drive #cars #city #centre #policy #support
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Nowadays more and more
people
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 move by
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
cars
Fix the agreement mistake
car
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that is
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 why in some large
cities
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 there are extra fees one needs to pay to enter the city and
this
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 fee was created in order to reduce the
number
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 of
cars
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. I support
this
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 policy because the more
cars
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 , the more problems like
traffic
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jams
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 and
car
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accidents
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. In large
cities
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 the lifestyle is active and everyone works and moves in
such
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 big
cities
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 by
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cars
Fix the agreement mistake
car
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 which can cause
traffic
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jams
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.
Traffic
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jams
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 are a negative consequence of
large
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a large
show examples
 amount of
cars
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 because they stop
Add an article
the
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movement from which
people
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 can suffer from being late for work or wasting too much time.
Moreover
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,
traffic
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jams
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 can be a source of noise pollution and the fact that
cars
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 themselves can cause air pollution makes
people
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 support
this
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 policy.
As a result
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,
traffic
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jams
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 can lead to
people
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’s time loss and exacerbate noise and air pollution
Also
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, an increase in the
number
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 of
cars
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 increases the
number
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 of
car
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accidents
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. Not all of the drivers may not be professionals with high experience there can be lots of drivers starters or those who drive
cars
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 in an alcoholic state.
Thus
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, being the reason for road
accidents
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.
Furthermore
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, the strain on the existing roads
also
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 can lead to poor road conditions which in combination with a large
number
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 of
cars
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 may cause a rise in the
number
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 of
car
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accidents
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.
Therefore
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 , the combination of above mentioned could
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
 the
number
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 of road
accidents
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.
People
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 in some large
cities
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 are obliged to pay an extra fee to enter the city centre.
This
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 way it is aimed
to
Change preposition
at
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 the
number
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 of
cars
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 in the city.
This
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 policy is a good alteration which can assist in avoiding problems related to
traffic
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jams
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 and
car
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accidents
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.
Submitted by zhadyra.serikbayeva2016 on

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task response
To improve task response, try to address both sides of the argument in a more balanced way and provide more specific examples to support your points. For instance, you can briefly discuss some potential drawbacks of the policy, such as the financial burden on low-income drivers, and then refute these points if you wish.
coherence cohesion
Enhance coherence and cohesion by ensuring a smoother flow between sentences and paragraphs. Use more transitional words and phrases to link ideas, which will help the reader follow your argument better. Also, try to use a clearer structural framework to discuss your points in a more organized way.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay includes an introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument and gives a clear structure.
supported main points
You have highlighted relevant issues such as traffic jams, air pollution, and car accidents, which are relevant to the topic and support your position.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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