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Band 6.5

some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. why is this the case? do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development
Dealing with smartphones has become
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 ubiquitous issue in offspring's lives.
While
 some individuals argue that
this
 gadget brings about plenty of benefits, there are a number of dark sides to
this
 widespread phenomenon. By looking at the advantages of mobile, we can easily see that cell phones bring offspring together in virtual forums by which they can interact with peers and like-minded ones.
Moreover
,
this
 stuff is not only beneficial but
also
 joyful, providing some educational programs and some specific games that kids can boost their knowledge in an appealing way.
Last
 but not least, the incidence of
such
 pandemic diseases as COVID-19 reveals that these gadgets could come up with a space in which pupils do not stay away from school, substituting the real classes. With regard to
Correct article usage
the
show examples
dark sides of
this
 problem, by introducing the devices, offspring interacting face-to-face has fallen dramatically. The more they indulge in
this
, the more they are reluctant to spend with surrounding people. Another concerning point would be about the content that they may encounter on websites or social media
such
 as offensive clips or sorts of discrimination messages.
Finally
, what worries parents surrounding
this
 happening is related to wasting the time of their offspring which teachers complain about , either.Grappling with a smartphone all day long means students do not have to bother themselves to tackle mathematical questions or other science.
To conclude
,
although
 cell phones potentially can offer worthwhile advantages, neglecting their complication could result in irrecoverable consequences for offspring.
Submitted by amirhossein7179 on

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Task Response
To improve task response, ensure that your position (whether the development is positive or negative) is clear throughout the essay. You discuss both sides, but a stronger stance could enhance your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, aim to link your ideas more clearly. Transition phrases can help guide the reader through your argument with greater fluidity. Additionally, organizing paragraphs around a single main idea can improve clarity.
General Advice
To strengthen your essay, use more specific examples and data to support your points. Rather than making general statements about the benefits or drawbacks of smartphone use, provide concrete instances or studies that illustrate these effects.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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