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Band 7

With the rise of the internet more and more people are getting their news from social media platforms. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

#rise #internet #people #news #media #platforms #trend
In
this
 contemporary epoch,
news
 can be proliferated easily.
This
 happens
due to
 the technology. The rise of the
internet
 assisted
people
 in obtaining their
news
 from social media, platforms and applications. I have a balanced opinion. In
this
 essay, I will elaborate on my opinion. On the one hand, technology has been involved in many sectors. One of these sectors is the journalism industry. Journals are publishing their
news
 and exclusives on their sites.
In addition
, most of the persons around the world have smartphones. These phones are connected to the
internet
,
thus
,
people
 can search for new or anything in an effortless way.
Moreover
, socialising the
news
 can have a positive effect on the environment. It can decrease the consumption of paper and ink. A new study from Chicago University shows that about 80%
ofindividuals
Correct your spelling
of individuals
 around the world own smartphones. 70% of them prefer to read the
news
 from the
internet
.
On the other hand
, the excessive utilization of the
internet
 can have side effects.
Firstly
, not all
people
 can afford a new smartphone. In some countries likely in Egypt,
people
 can not pay the
internet
 bills because of inflation.
Furthermore
, some of the
news
 on the
internet
 is fake and
people
 do not trust it. Ultimately, elderly persons are not aware of how to use
this
 new technology. They feel that they are outdated and it will take a lot of time to know how to use these devices.
For instance
, citizens in suburbs and hinterland areas in Egypt are low educated. They did not purchase phones and used primitive mobiles. In conclusion, there is a debate on
this
 argument. The government should play a vital role in the fake
news
. The platforms should be observed to avoid any misunderstanding.
Submitted by mohannadsme on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single clear idea. Avoid mixing points in the same paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs by using more transition words and phrases.
task achievement
Clarify your balanced opinion in the introduction and then expand on it more efficiently in the body paragraphs.
task achievement
Use specific and relevant examples to support your points more effectively.
task achievement
Proofread for minor grammatical issues and clarity to ensure that your argument is conveyed effectively.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion which helps frame your argument well.
task achievement
You have addressed the question by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages, showing a balanced approach.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • accessible information
  • breaking news
  • real-time updates
  • informed society
  • global connectivity
  • diverse perspectives
  • critical thinking
  • comprehensive understanding
  • rapid dissemination
  • timely updates
  • emergencies
  • urgent situations
  • spread of misinformation
  • fake news
  • unverified information
  • professional journalism standards
  • biased reporting
  • poorly-researched news
  • echo chambers
  • confirmation bias
  • algorithms
  • narrow viewpoint
  • differing perspectives
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