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Writing Samples
Band 6

Many doctors say that people in today’s world do not enough physical exercise. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures are there to this problem?

#doctors #people #today’s #world #exercise #pressures #measures
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"Nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
 are not doing enough physical
exercise
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 all over the world," said many doctors. Based on
this
Linking Words
 there are many reasons leading to
this
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 idea and there are many solutions to tackle it,
such
Linking Words
 as the wider spread of
technology
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 leads to a decrease in the amount of physical
exercise
Use synonyms
 but to tackle it the government should encourage
people
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 to do physical
exercise
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 every
day
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 to protect their health.
Firstly
Linking Words
 , the major reason for the loss of physical sports during the
day
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 is that nowadays,
people
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 are spending most of their
time
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 on
technology
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. To explain, these days the amount of
time
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 using
technology
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 is increasing,
such
Linking Words
 as
people
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 need
technology
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 to study, work and communicate.
For example
Linking Words
, children need
technology
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 to study extra classes on the Internet, and university students depend on it to search for important information to write their projects and presentations.
This
Linking Words
 is easier for them because studying and researching through traditional methods can be
time
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-consuming.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some
people
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 find these methods boring.
Secondly
Linking Words
, there are many solutions to tackle
this
Linking Words
 issue and the main one is that create a strong program in all devices by the government to reduce the amount of spending
time
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 on
technology
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 and encourage
people
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 to utilize their
time
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 correctly.
For example
Linking Words
, they can divide their
day
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 to do
exercise
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 and consume the
technology
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.
To sum up
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,
although
Linking Words
 nowadays,
technology
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 is one of the major things to succeed, users should divide their
day
Use synonyms
 into good main stages and try to do
exercise
Use synonyms
 every
day
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by alharrasialanood7 on

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task achievement
To improve, ensure that each paragraph clearly supports the main argument with well-explained and relevant examples. For instance, include specific research findings or statistics that demonstrate the impact of technology on physical activity.
coherence cohesion
Improve coherence by using a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas smoothly. Additionally, ensure each paragraph flows logically from one to another, enhancing the overall structure of the essay.
logical structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which give the reader an overview of the issue and summarize the key points effectively.
complete response
The main points are relevant and address the question effectively, providing a thoughtful response to the topic.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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