IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people argue that the government should give every unemployed person a mobile phone and should make sure they have access to the Internet. They believe this is the best way of using public money to reduce the problem of unemployment. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some individuals insist that all residents without a job should get a mobile phone provided by the government to be able to
use
Use synonyms
 the Internet, because they think that
this
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 is the ideal method to deal with the unemployment issue. I strongly disagree with
this
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 statement, because of the enormous amount of outlays for phones and the difficulty of
use
Use synonyms
 for elderly
people
Use synonyms
.
First,
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giving smartphones to all the jobless
people
Use synonyms
 is not realistic, because it can cost a large amount of money to prepare, which may lead to more debt.
This
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 might
also
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 become less compatible than other ways. To illustrate
this
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,
according to
Linking Words
 statistics of smartphone prices conducted by Apple Inc., the average price is about 500 dollars, meaning if a nation has 100,000
people
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 without a job, that would cost 50 million dollars to solve the issue, which might be unrealistic and have a negative impact on the governmental finances.
In addition
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, using smartphones often requires an adequate amount of knowledge about the gadgets, and
this
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 is generally more challenging for individuals,
such
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 as the elderly, who are not good at using them. Especially in Japan, as known for being an ageing society, 70% of citizens over 60 live by themselves and have few
people
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 to ask how to
use
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 a phone.
As a consequence
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, they might end up using it to look for a job.
To sum up
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, there is an argument that every jobless citizen should have a phone which is given by the government so that they can access the Internet, as it is believed that the unemployment problem would be solved in
this
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 way. I completely disagree with
this
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 viewpoint, with the reason being that it
costs
Verb problem
is
show examples
 significantly to provide phones , and it is difficult for senior generations to
use
Use synonyms
 phones appropriately.

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task response
State your view clearly in the opening and restate it in the end. Give 2 strong reasons with simple facts or clear examples.
coherence
Make each paragraph have one main idea. Use short, direct sentences and link ideas with simple words.
task response
The writer shows a clear view on the topic.
coherence
There are linking words that help idea flow (First, In addition).
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