Some people think that the success of life is based on hard work and determination. Others, however, believe that there are important factors, such as having money or a good appearance. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #success #life #work #determination #factors #money #appearance

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Some

individuals

Use synonyms

believe that to become successful, they should work diligently and have great strength of will,

while

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others contend that affluent finance and glorious presence contribute to a fruitful

life

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. In general, both opinions play a pivotal role in an individual's

success

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. It is indisputable that diligence and perseverance play a pivotal role in a successful

life

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. Indeed, to achieve a goal or excel in a specific industry,

individuals

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need to spend considerable time and tremendous effort honing the necessary skills.

This

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is because

success

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does not happen overnight.

For example

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, Cristiano Ronaldo is one of the greatest footballers in the world. To achieve

this

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notable honor, he has to persist in sharpening his football skills days and nights and maintain a strict nutritional regimen for over 20 years.,

Therefore

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, the diligent and determined

individuals

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are easy to succeed in

life

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Nonetheless

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, some

individuals

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advocate wealth as the key to

success

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In other words

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, people in the upper class have an ideal opportunity to approach the modern education system to widen their horizons.

Then

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, they can take advantage of that knowledge to get a high socioeconomic status. Take Bill Gates as an example. He used to study at Harvard, which is one of the most prestigious and expensive universities in the world. In

this

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school, he was allowed to use the computer lab, and

then

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he was inspired to become a pathfinder in computer technology.

Additionally

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, another factor that could contribute to a rewarding

life

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is beauty.

This

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means that people who have striking looks can easily find jobs.

Hence

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, having financial solidity or an appealing visage could lead to prosperity. In conclusion, many

individuals

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utilize money to create

success

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while

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others want to strive hard to achieve. In my opinion, all of the aforementioned factors, including diligence, perseverance, wealth, and beauty, are important to a thriving

life

Use synonyms

Submitted by Mads on Wed Aug 14 2024

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task achievement

Your essay covers both viewpoints and provides relevant examples, which shows a thorough understanding of the task. However, you can improve task achievement by elaborating a bit more on each point, providing a deeper analysis and discussion.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. While the general flow is good, some transitions could be more seamless. For instance, tie the conclusion more closely to the main points discussed in the body paragraphs.

task achievement

Try to reduce minor grammatical inaccuracies and awkward phrasing, such as 'diligent and determined individuals are easy to succeed.' Instead, consider 'diligent and determined individuals are more likely to succeed.'

coherence cohesion

Your introduction is clear and sets up the discussion effectively, and the conclusion wraps up the essay well.

task achievement

You provide relevant and specific examples such as Cristiano Ronaldo and Bill Gates, making your points more convincing.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a logical structure with well-organized paragraphs that each discuss a main point.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

309 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

perseverance
discipline
resilience
effort
tenacity
external factors
financial resources
favorable appearance
perceptions
advantages
intrinsic
extrinsic
sustainable
facilitating
undeniable

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Some people think that the success of life is based on hard work and determination. Others, however, believe that there are important factors, such as having money or a good appearance. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Your opinion

Too much emphasis is given for education of the young. More government money should be spent to free time activity of young people . To what extent do you agree or disagree .

Some people believe it is better to raise children in the city, while others consider the countryside to be a more suitable choice. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that it is good for a country's culture to import foreign movies and TV programmes. Others think that it is better to produce these locally. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Today our communications, medicine and transport systems all depend on computer technology. Our reliance on computer technology in these fields has created a dangerous situation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?