Some people think that the success of life is based on hard work and determination. Others, however, believe that there are important factors, such as having money or a good appearance. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Some
individuals
believe that to become successful, they should work diligently and have great strength of will, while
others contend that affluent finance and glorious presence contribute to a fruitful life
. In general, both opinions play a pivotal role in an individual's success
.
It is indisputable that diligence and perseverance play a pivotal role in a successful life
. Indeed, to achieve a goal or excel in a specific industry, individuals
need to spend considerable time and tremendous effort honing the necessary skills. This
is because success
does not happen overnight. For example
, Cristiano Ronaldo is one of the greatest footballers in the world. To achieve this
notable honor, he has to persist in sharpening his football skills days and nights and maintain a strict nutritional regimen for over 20 years., Therefore
, the diligent and determined individuals
are easy to succeed in life
.
Nonetheless
, some individuals
advocate wealth as the key to success
. In other words
, people in the upper class have an ideal opportunity to approach the modern education system to widen their horizons. Then
, they can take advantage of that knowledge to get a high socioeconomic status. Take Bill Gates as an example. He used to study at Harvard, which is one of the most prestigious and expensive universities in the world. In this
school, he was allowed to use the computer lab, and then
he was inspired to become a pathfinder in computer technology. Additionally
, another factor that could contribute to a rewarding life
is beauty. This
means that people who have striking looks can easily find jobs. Hence
, having financial solidity or an appealing visage could lead to prosperity.
In conclusion, many individuals
utilize money to create success
, while
others want to strive hard to achieve. In my opinion, all of the aforementioned factors, including diligence, perseverance, wealth, and beauty, are important to a thriving life
.Submitted by Mads on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Your essay covers both viewpoints and provides relevant examples, which shows a thorough understanding of the task. However, you can improve task achievement by elaborating a bit more on each point, providing a deeper analysis and discussion.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. While the general flow is good, some transitions could be more seamless. For instance, tie the conclusion more closely to the main points discussed in the body paragraphs.
task achievement
Try to reduce minor grammatical inaccuracies and awkward phrasing, such as 'diligent and determined individuals are easy to succeed.' Instead, consider 'diligent and determined individuals are more likely to succeed.'
coherence cohesion
Your introduction is clear and sets up the discussion effectively, and the conclusion wraps up the essay well.
task achievement
You provide relevant and specific examples such as Cristiano Ronaldo and Bill Gates, making your points more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure with well-organized paragraphs that each discuss a main point.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?