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Band 6

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #risks #lives
It is sometimes argued that individuals should take
risks
 in every aspect of their lives.
This
 notion has both advantages and drawbacks.
While
 I understand the negative sides of taking
risks
, especially in professional
life
, I firmly believe that the positive sides outweigh the drawbacks. On the one hand, taking
risks
 can benefit citizens for several reasons.
Firstly
, to achieve success in professional
life
,
people
 should take
risks
,
otherwise
, it is impossible.
Secondly
, taking
risks
 cannot only benefit
people
's social status but
also
 improve their skills, because they challenge themselves,
thus
, they enhance their knowledge and skills.
Lastly
, by taking
risks
, individuals can reduce their fear of failure. When
people
 fail in their decisions, they realize that
this
 is part of their
life
 and not the end of the world.
For instance
, I have always been afraid of investing money.
However
, a few years ago I invested my money in the stock market and I lost almost all of my assets. Currently, I can manage my investment more carefully.
On the other hand
, taking
risks
 has some negative aspects that are worth mentioning. By taking
risks
 in professional
life
,
people
 can lose a large portion of their wealth, many entrepreneurs fail in their investments.
For instance
,
according to
 the statistics, in the USA, approximately %20 of startups will fail after one year, and half of the rest go bankrupt after five years.
Also
, some
people
 put their
life
 in danger.
For example
, they participate in dangerous sports or even gamble.
Similarly
, a lot of
people
 are happy with their lives,
thus
, taking
risks
 can put their lives in danger, and they do not want that. In conclusion, taking
risks
 has both advantages and disadvantages.
However
, in my perspective, the negative aspects are negligible and the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
Submitted by amir1375.6 on

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task achievement
Consider deepening the analysis and exploration of points for a more sophisticated argument. For instance, detailing how risk-taking can enhance skills or social status could add depth.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to evenly balance paragraph lengths. The first body paragraph is longer and more detailed than the second, which can slightly disrupt the flow.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt well by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of taking risks in various aspects of life.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, providing a clear beginning and ending to your argumentation.
task achievement
Well-chosen, relevant examples lend support to the main points, making the essay more convincing and relatable.
coherence cohesion
The essay's logical structure and progression from point to point are clear, making it easy to follow the argument.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
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