IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones nowadays has unwanted effects on young people's reading and writing skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

7.0 / 9
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Introduction
In the contemporary digital world, it is often argued that the excessive
use
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 of smartphones and modern computers causes some negative effects on the comprehension and literary skills of young folks.
Although
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 the unbalanced
use
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 of these digital machines has some downsides on youth abilities, the efficient
use
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 has substantial benefits as well. I predominantly disagree with
this
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 statement and advocate for the proper
use
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 of these devices.
This
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 essay will analyse the examples from present day world to demonstrate my points and arguments related to
this
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 topic.
Body paragraph 1
In the present day, with fast-paced and deadline-driven educational trajectories, these machines are a necessity of time. Students can complete complex tasks by brainstorming on the internet to gather as much information as they can. It is more convenient to search online for the required materials to write an assignment rather than to go to libraries in pursuit of those, which is a lot more time-consuming. For illustration, pupils can read and write from hundreds of papers available on the
web-world
Correct your spelling
web
 with credible references in a much more time-saving and precise fashion to present their work in time-sensitive academic matters.
Body paragraph 2
However
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, some potential harms are
also
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 there if the proper
use
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 of these devices is neglected,
such
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 as over-dependence on the artificial intelligence (AI) without robust and unchecked efforts, which can deteriorate the critical thinking and reading skills of the students as well.
For example
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, a smart learner can write thousands of words by taking help from the so-called AI, but in actuality, without it, he is reluctant to write a single paragraph of his own work on paper.
Conclusion
In conclusion, like everything has its pros and cons, the careful usage of modern appliances has more significant advantages for the growing minds, despite having some disadvantages. Machines are never considered good or bad, but it is the
use
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 which determine the worth of that gadget in daily life.

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task response
State your view more clearly. You say you disagree, but you also say that too much use can cause harm. Say that you partly disagree, or explain why the good points are stronger than the bad points.
task response
Develop each main idea more. In the first body paragraph, explain how online reading and writing help young people build reading and writing skills, not only how they save time.
task response
Use more direct examples. For example, say that a student can read news, books, and school texts online, then use new words and ideas in their own writing.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: opening, two body parts, and an ending. Keep this clear plan in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Make the link between ideas smoother. The first body part is about ease and speed, while the question is about reading and writing skills. Add a sentence that clearly connects online work to these skills.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid very long sentences with many ideas. Split them into two shorter sentences so the reader can follow your point more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words in a careful way, such as “For example”, “However”, “As a result”, and “In conclusion”. Do not repeat the same type of link too often.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give your own view from the start.
task response
The example about relying on AI is relevant and clearly shows one possible harm to writing and thinking.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has a main point, and the ending returns to your overall view.
coherence and cohesion
The use of “However” helps show a clear change from benefits to harms.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Digital literacy
  • Attention span
  • Autocorrect
  • Informal language
  • Internet slang
  • Short-form communication
  • Proofread
  • Traditional writing norms
  • Comprehensive reading
  • Visual media
  • Interactive learning
  • Engagement
  • Learning difficulties
  • Spellcheck
  • Complex sentence structures
  • Engaging platforms
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