IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that on one should do the same job forever, while others believe that doing the same job is beneficial for the individual company and society.discuss both views and give ur opinion.

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It is often argued that
people
Use synonyms
 should be fully responsible for funding their own
retirement
Use synonyms
 and that governments should not be required to provide financial support. I largely disagree with
this
Linking Words
 view because,
although
Linking Words
 individuals should save where possible, the state has a moral and practical duty to protect elderly citizens from poverty. Admittedly, personal responsibility plays an important role in
retirement
Use synonyms
 planning.
People
Use synonyms
 who earn a stable income should be encouraged to save, invest, and contribute to
pension
Use synonyms
 schemes during their working lives.
This
Linking Words
 reduces pressure on public finances and allows retirees to enjoy a more comfortable standard of living.
For example
Linking Words
, workers who regularly contribute to private
pension
Use synonyms
 funds are less likely to depend entirely on government assistance later in life. In
this
Linking Words
 sense,
retirement
Use synonyms
 should not be treated as the government’s burden alone.
However
Linking Words
, it is unrealistic and unfair to expect every individual to provide fully for old age. Many
people
Use synonyms
 spend their lives in low-paid or insecure employment, leaving them with little disposable income to save. Others may face illness, unemployment, disability, or family responsibilities that prevent consistent
retirement
Use synonyms
 planning. If governments refused to provide support, millions of elderly
people
Use synonyms
 could be left without adequate housing, healthcare, or food. A basic public
pension
Use synonyms
Linking Words
Punctuation problem
, therefore
show examples
therefore
Punctuation problem
therefore,
show examples
 acts as a social safety net and reflects the contribution that citizens have made through taxes and labour. In conclusion, individuals should certainly prepare for
retirement
Use synonyms
 whenever they have the means to do so.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, governments cannot abandon
this
Linking Words
 responsibility entirely, as not all citizens have equal opportunities to build private savings. A balanced system, combining personal savings with a guaranteed state
pension
Use synonyms
, is the fairest and most sustainable approach.

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task response
Write at least one direct example with real detail in each body part.
task response
Use the exact question focus all the way, so every idea links to retirement and state support.
task response
Add one more short reason on the other side before your opinion, to make the discussion more full.
coherence and cohesion
Keep using clear topic sentences at the start of each body part.
coherence and cohesion
Try a few more linking words, but use them in a natural way.
coherence and cohesion
Make one idea flow to the next with small guide phrases like this means, as a result, and because of this.
task response
Your position is clear from the start and stays clear to the end.
task response
You answer all parts of the question and give your own view.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear beginning, middle, and end.
coherence and cohesion
Each body part has one main idea and good support.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Unwavering
  • Stability
  • Expertise
  • Career advancement
  • Job satisfaction
  • Company loyalty
  • Adaptability
  • Lifelong learning
  • Innovation
  • Turnover rates
  • Personal growth
  • Dynamic job market
  • Economic demands
  • Exploration
  • Fulfillment
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