IELTS Writing Correction Service /
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Band 4.5

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television has destroyed communication among friends and family. Use specific reasons and examples to support your option.

#television #communication #friends #support #option
Television
 has been widely used in
this
 modern era.
Due to
 its influence, It is believed that
this
 mode of entertainment has a great impact on tarnishing
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 among family and friends. In
this
 essay, I will discuss the reasons why I agree
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
 statement. Watching
television
 on a daily basis requires the viewer's full attention and
this
 habit can often monopolize time that should be spent on meaningful conversations with family and friends.
For instance
,
instead
 of participating in a family discussion, each member would just prefer splurging their time watching their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 TV shows on their own.
In addition
,
this
 type of activity would reduce the quality of conversations.
This
 is
due to
 the fact that the superficial and often sensational content on
television
 might lower the quality of conversations among viewers. With
this
, people might prefer discussing
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
their newly discovered movie rather than engaging in a chat that involves either personal experiences or important issues in the community. In conclusion, It is viewed that the reason why a lot of family bonds and friendships
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 been damaged is
due to
 the emerging popularity of televisions. As people
would
Verb problem
apply
show examples
engage in watching TV shows, they tend to neglect the importance of communication among family members and peers.
Also
, It
diminish
Change the verb form
diminishes
show examples
 the essence of a good chat
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is why I am of the opinion that
television
 is in fact a source of distraction.
Submitted by marlyn.borillo16 on

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task achievement
To improve the task response, try developing each point more thoroughly with additional specific examples and detailed explanations. This will help to make your ideas clearer and more comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, pay attention to sentence transitions and the logical flow between paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph builds on the previous one and leads smoothly to the next.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly states the position on the topic, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points.
logical structure
The logical structure of the essay is well-organized, with each paragraph addressing a specific reason for the writer’s agreement with the statement.
supported main points
Main points are supported with explanations and examples, although more specific and relevant examples could strengthen the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • distraction
  • monopolize
  • meaningful conversations
  • engrossed
  • face-to-face interactions
  • weakened bonds
  • diminished quality
  • superficial content
  • sensational
  • negatively affecting
  • social development
  • family-oriented programs
  • bonding activities
What to do next:
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