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Band 2.5

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#time #population #countries #adults #people #situation
As
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With
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 the development of society, the population of some
countries
 includes a relatively large
number
 of young
adults
, compared with the
number
 of older people. The essay will discuss the advantages and the disadvantages of the phenomenon and introduce why the advantages of
this
 situation do not outweigh the disadvantages. The modern world is diverse and interconnected, so there is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 responsibility for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
adults
 to exchange in different
countries
.
For example
, every year, young
adults
 who come from different
countries
 come to China as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
exchange students. The students contact with the local people and are attacked by the history, which could promote
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cultural communication.
Therefore
, the large
number
 of young
adults
 will bring the benefits for each country.
Consequently
, the young
adults
 will promote the development of the economy and society, which could increase the fresh power. The essay briefly introduces why the advantages of some
countries
includes
Wrong verb form
including
show examples
 a large
number
 of young
adults
 compared with the
number
 of older people outweigh the disadvantages.
Submitted by fiasngs on

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task achievement
Expand your ideas with more detailed explanations and examples. For example, discuss both the potential economic and social advantages, and compare them to the disadvantages such as an imbalance in age-dependent populations.
task achievement
Develop your main points more comprehensively. For instance, explain in more detail how young adults contribute to society beyond cultural exchanges, including their roles in innovation and labor markets.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph sticks to one main idea and utilize linking phrases that guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen your introduction and conclusion to ensure they clearly reflect and summarize the main points of your essay. Make sure your conclusion clearly addresses the essay prompt, stating explicitly whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages or vice versa.
task achievement
Provide additional relevant and specific examples. Drawing from statistics, studies, or specific instances can help in making your arguments more compelling.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and attempts to address both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
You make good use of paragraphing to separate different points of discussion, which aids readability.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • innovation
  • skilled labor
  • social development
  • technology
  • dividend
  • competition
  • resources
  • social welfare
  • unrest
  • instability
  • healthcare
  • elderly care
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