IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries nowadays, consumers can go to a supermarket and buy food produced all over the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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Due to
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 the impact of globalization,
consumers
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 are able to access
products
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 worldwide in supermarkets because of the reduced trade barriers between the countries making more imports available. I consider that there are both positive and negative effects caused by
this
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 phenomenon. From the perspective of
consumers
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, there could be the benefit of obtaining higher standards of living.
Firstly
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, the
consumers
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 have opportunities to buy a variety of specialities produced all over the world to enrich their diary.
For instance
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, people can purchase genuine Italian pasta, fresh tropical fruits etc imported from the original countries.
Secondly
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, people are able to access high-quality and nutritious
food
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products
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 in supermarkets that they could not find in their local market originally,
such
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 as Australian lobsters and tunas.
Therefore
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, the increased variety of
food
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products
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 would be beneficial to
consumers
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.
However
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, local businesses may be negatively affected by the entry of foreign
food
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products
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 into the supermarket. The imported foods may include substitutes for the
products
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 produced locally, which leads to increased competition in the market. Local businesses may have multiplicative pressure to reduce the cost of production and increase product differentiation in order to maintain their market shares.
As a result
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, a large amount small-size firms may face close-down when enormous multinational corporations
such
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 as Nestle or Coca-Cola attract too much demand in the local area, which may lead to an increased level of unemployment in these countries
Rephrase
apply
show examples
furthermore
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.
Overall
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,
consumers
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 are taking advantage of accessing to wider range of
food
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products
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 to decorate their lives and live happier,
while
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 the local enterprises may suffer from competing with the foreign
food
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 producers to sustain their revenue.

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Task Achievement
Make sure to clearly state your overall position in the introduction. It's good that you mention that there are both positives and negatives, but consider stating which side you lean towards more explicitly.
Task Achievement
When discussing the positive aspects, try to expand your points further. For example, you mention 'specialities' and 'high-quality foods', but a deeper exploration of how these benefit consumers would strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
In your conclusion, consider summarizing both sides of the argument more clearly, and provide a stronger concluding statement to leave a lasting impression.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of your writing, especially between points within paragraphs. This will help improve the overall cohesion of your essay.
Task Achievement
The essay presents a clear understanding of the topic and demonstrates good engagement with both sides of the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is a solid structure in the essay, with clear topic sentences introducing each paragraph.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • nutrition
  • cultural exposure
  • competitive markets
  • economic boost
  • employment opportunities
  • carbon footprint
  • environmental impact
  • local produce
  • food security
  • global supply chain
  • sustainable practices
  • consumer choice
  • market dynamics
  • price competition
  • agricultural sector
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