Scientists agree that people are damaging their health by eating too much junk food. Some people think that the answer to this problem is to educate people. Others think education will not work. Discussion both views and give your opinion.
Nowadays, studies
showed
that long-term consumption of unhealthy Wrong verb form
have shown
foods
potentially be detrimental to one's well-being. Therefore
, some individuals said
teaching about Wrong verb form
say
a
healthy Correct article usage
apply
habit
is a method towards a healthy lifestyle. Fix the agreement mistake
habits
However
, some people are opposed to such
idea
. I believe that the public should learn how to maintain a healthy eating habit to prevent getting sick.
First and foremost, Correct article usage
an idea
educate
is Replace the word
education
a
best way to bring awareness to Change the article
the
the
societies about the Correct article usage
apply
significant
of balanced diets, especially from an early age. if children Replace the word
significance
Add a missing verb
are exposured
exposured
Correct your spelling
exposure
exposed
such
knowledge from a young age, it will encourage them to choose a healthy diet. Change preposition
to such
For example
, a school educational initiative promotes conciousness
about the harmful effects of junk Correct your spelling
consciousness
foods
to
our Change preposition
on
body
.
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
In addition
, when educating someone about the
healthy Correct article usage
apply
foods
, it
can change a person's attitude and behaviour on fast Correct pronoun usage
apply
foods
. For example
, the
public campaigns can reach a wide audience by promoting self-cooked meals and ways of Correct article usage
apply
preparation of
Wrong verb form
preparing
foods
are
much Correct pronoun usage
that are
more
cheaper and healthier than convenience Change the word
apply
foods
. On top of that, it lower
the cost of living by lowering the demand Change the verb form
lowers
of
healthcare services to treat sick people.
Change preposition
for
On the other hand
, these days, many advertiments
have creative ideas Correct your spelling
advertisements
on
convincing their targets to buy their products. Sometimes, they are not afraid to mislead their customers in terms of profits. Change preposition
for
For instance
, fast foods
like fried chicken is
unhealthy food but when Change the verb form
are
such
ads is
advertising to the audiences, they often Change the verb form
are
displays
it as healthy food because Correct subject-verb agreement
display
of
the ingredients in it are Change preposition
apply
nature
and no chemicals Replace the word
natural
been
used. Add a missing verb
have been
However
, I believe that this
action can easily be addressed nicely by educating the people.
In conclusion, although
advertiments
can easily influence someone towards a bad habit, I believe that Correct your spelling
advertisements
by
promoting Change preposition
apply
educational
about the Replace the word
education
important
of a healthy diet can change a person's Replace the word
importance
perpestive
about an unbalanced diet.Correct your spelling
perspective
Submitted by tifjong on
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task response
You have addressed both views on the issue and provided a clear opinion, which is good. However, make sure to fully develop all your points and provide more detailed reasoning and evidence to support your arguments. For instance, instead of merely stating that education from an early age encourages healthy diets, provide specific examples or studies that support this claim.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is commendable. To improve coherence and cohesion, work on the flow between sentences and within paragraphs. Ensure that each sentence naturally follows from the previous one. Using connectors like 'therefore,' 'however,' and 'for instance' can help, but make sure they fit well into the context.
introduction and conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame the main arguments in the essay, giving it a clear beginning and end.
task response
The essay touches on different aspects of the issue, such as the impact of advertising and the potential benefits of educating people, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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