These days, too many people maintain their health by relying on doctors and medicine rather than following a healthy lifestyle. To what extent do you agree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Nowadays, a significant amount of individuals claim that too many of them maintain their well-being by
couting
on medical professionals and medicine, rather than living a healthy lifestyle. In my view, it is needless to say that the majority of Correct your spelling
counting
coating
people
are relying on doctors, meaning that they would not do anything by themselves.
Generally speaking, people
have always been under the threat of any danger that could occur, such
as falling or fighting. Moreover
, some routine things, such
as running, could also
lead to traumas, namely knee dislocation or broken bones. For example
, Usain Bolt, who has got these traumas during his final olympic
raceChange the capitalization
Olympic
,.
Change the punctuation
,
.
Nevertheless
, the first group of individuals is avoiding a healthy lifestyle, while
the second is not. On the one hand, the first group could avoid it because of modern medicine and medicaments. In our days, people
are not concerned about their well being
. Add a hyphen
well-being
In contrast
with the Middle Ages, in our century, there are antibiotics and painkillers.
On the other hand
, the second group is not avoiding it because of the
illnesses, namely obesity, diabetes, or even muscle dysfunction. Correct article usage
apply
For
instance
Tom Hawk, who used to play Add a comma
instance,
a
role of a main hero with these Correct article usage
the
illnessess
, Correct your spelling
illnesses
releaving
all the dark sides of it.What is more, there are doctors, namely nutritionists, who can prescribe a healthy diet. Correct your spelling
revealed
However
, to remain in good shape, people
should not only follow the diet,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
work out, in order to lose weight and gain muscle mass.
To sum up
, I strongly believe that throughout humanity's history, its average lifetime increased by 5 years every century, due to
the fact that they were not having a miserable life, and they should work out hard enough, in spite the
minor problems.Change preposition
of the
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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences within the paragraph support that main idea. This will help improve the logical structure.
Task Achievement
More specific examples and explanations would strengthen your arguments. Try to include relevant data or real-life examples to support your points.
Task Achievement
Avoid repetitive or vague language and ensure that every sentence contributes meaningfully to the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a framework for your arguments.
Task Achievement
There are relevant real-life examples used, though they could be expanded further for better support.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
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