IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to become successful career. While others believe that it is better to get a job staight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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The numerous
Correct article usage
Numerous
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people
Use synonyms
 argue that continuing to
study
Use synonyms
 at high-level
education
Use synonyms
 or at the
university
Use synonyms
are
Change the verb form
is
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 the best way to be successful in their work. Meanwhile, others
firm believer
Replace the word
firmly believe
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 that it is outstanding to require a job after
finish
Change the verb form
finishing
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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school
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, I believe that having
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university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 is pivotal for increasing
knowledge
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while
Linking Words
 working after
school
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 can get many experiences and it gets much
money
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. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
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 hand, many think
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 easier to get a job if they
had
Wrong verb form
have
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 finished
Use synonyms
study
Wrong verb form
studying
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 at
the
Correct article usage
apply
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university
Use synonyms
. Because they have good
knowledge
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 especially,
such
Linking Words
 as pharmaceutical science, the company requires them to do the project of
registration
Replace the word
registering
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 new
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
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.
However
Linking Words
,
pharmacist
Fix the agreement mistake
pharmacists
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is more
Verb problem
are
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 better
to do
Change preposition
at doing
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 the jobs than alumni
Change preposition
of high-school
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high-
Correct your spelling
high school
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school
Use synonyms
 because they do not
skill
Correct subject-verb agreement
skills
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 to do that. As
result
Correct article usage
a result
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, The company is more
prefer
Correct subject-verb agreement
prefers
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 to accept bachelor pharmacy than
people
Use synonyms
 alumni senior
high-
Correct your spelling
high school
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school
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Some
people
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 think that working after
school
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 can be more experience than
people
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 continue to learn at the high-level
education
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.
Although
Linking Words
 they do not
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knowledge
Add a missing verb
have knowledge
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, many small medium
enterprise
Change to a plural noun
enterprises
show examples
 require them to work
unskills
Correct your spelling
unskill
,
for example
Linking Words
, cleaning
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
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 and
waiter
Fix the agreement mistake
waiters
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 are needed
for
Change preposition
to
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 handle the job, so they can
safe
Replace the word
save
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money
Use synonyms
 and they will learn about management time and
money
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.
after
Capitalize word
After
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 that if they have much
money
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 where they can make a new business to support the economy.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they more
be success
Wrong verb form
successful
show examples
 than
people
Use synonyms
continue
Correct pronoun usage
who continue
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 to
study
Use synonyms
. I
firm believer
Replace the word
firmly believe
show examples
,
Use synonyms
people
Correct word choice
that people
show examples
 continue to
study
Use synonyms
 more
successful
Change the word
successfully
show examples
 than
people
Use synonyms
just
Correct pronoun usage
who just
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 finished studying at
hight
Correct your spelling
high
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school
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, they need the company to handle the big project where it
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
big
Add an article
a big
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 income. After
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they
finished
Wrong verb form
finish
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 the project; they will get much income and it can make
business
Add an article
a business
the business
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to be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
successful in their career. To sum sump,
mostly
Correct your spelling
most
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 have
opinion
Correct article usage
the opinion
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if
Correct word choice
apply
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they
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
Use synonyms
study
Wrong verb form
studying
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 at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
university
Use synonyms
 is more be better
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Change the word
their
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 career than
people
Use synonyms
Correct pronoun usage
who is
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 not continuing
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 high-level
education
Use synonyms
. Because they can get
knowledge
Use synonyms
.
People
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 after
finished
Wrong verb form
finishing
show examples
school
Use synonyms
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have more experience than
people
Use synonyms
continue
Correct pronoun usage
who continue
show examples
 to
study
Use synonyms
 because of
long
Correct article usage
the long
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 time
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
finished
Wrong verb form
finish
show examples
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
study
Use synonyms
.

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coherence cohesion
The essay needs more clarity and clear distinctions between the two perspectives being discussed. Ensure that each viewpoint is presented with logical reasoning and examples.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction should clearly state the main points that will be discussed. While the conclusion should briefly summarize the key points and restate your stance in a concise manner.
relevant specific examples
Provide more real-life examples or case studies to support your arguments. Avoid vague or generic statements. Specific examples make your essay more persuasive and impactful.
coherence cohesion
There are frequent grammatical errors and awkward phrasings which interrupt the flow of the essay. Proofreading or using grammar-check tools can help improve sentence structure and coherence.
task achievement
The essay attempts to discuss both views and gives a personal opinion as required by the task.
introduction conclusion present
There is an effort to provide a structured response with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • specialized knowledge
  • professional fields
  • networking opportunities
  • career path
  • practical experience
  • financial pressures
  • economic independence
  • early work experience
  • apprenticeships
  • vocational training
  • hands-on skills
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