Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to become successful career. While others believe that it is better to get a job staight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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The numerous
Correct article usage
Numerous
show examples
people
argue that continuing to
study
at high-level
education
or at the
university
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
the best way to be successful in their work. Meanwhile, others
firm believer
Replace the word
firmly believe
show examples
that it is outstanding to require a job after
finish
Change the verb form
finishing
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school
. In my opinion, I believe that having
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
education
is pivotal for increasing
knowledge
while
working after
school
can get many experiences and it gets much
money
. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
hand, many think
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
easier to get a job if they
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
finished
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
university
. Because they have good
knowledge
especially,
such
as pharmaceutical science, the company requires them to do the project of
registration
Replace the word
registering
show examples
new
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
.
However
,
pharmacist
Fix the agreement mistake
pharmacists
show examples
is more
Verb problem
are
show examples
better
to do
Change preposition
at doing
show examples
the jobs than alumni
Change preposition
of high-school
show examples
high-
Correct your spelling
high school
show examples
school
because they do not
skill
Correct subject-verb agreement
skills
show examples
to do that. As
result
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
, The company is more
prefer
Correct subject-verb agreement
prefers
show examples
to accept bachelor pharmacy than
people
alumni senior
high-
Correct your spelling
high school
show examples
school
.
On the other hand
, Some
people
think that working after
school
can be more experience than
people
continue to learn at the high-level
education
.
Although
they do not
knowledge
Add a missing verb
have knowledge
show examples
, many small medium
enterprise
Change to a plural noun
enterprises
show examples
require them to work
unskills
Correct your spelling
unskill
,
for example
, cleaning
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
show examples
and
waiter
Fix the agreement mistake
waiters
show examples
are needed
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
handle the job, so they can
safe
Replace the word
save
show examples
money
and they will learn about management time and
money
.
after
Capitalize word
After
show examples
that if they have much
money
where they can make a new business to support the economy.
Consequently
, they more
be success
Wrong verb form
successful
show examples
than
people
continue
Correct pronoun usage
who continue
show examples
to
study
. I
firm believer
Replace the word
firmly believe
show examples
,
people
Correct word choice
that people
show examples
continue to
study
more
successful
Change the word
successfully
show examples
than
people
just
Correct pronoun usage
who just
show examples
finished studying at
hight
Correct your spelling
high
show examples
school
.
However
, they need the company to handle the big project where it
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
big
Add an article
a big
show examples
income. After
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they
finished
Wrong verb form
finish
show examples
the project; they will get much income and it can make
business
Add an article
a business
the business
show examples
to be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
successful in their career. To sum sump,
mostly
Correct your spelling
most
show examples
people
have
opinion
Correct article usage
the opinion
show examples
if
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
university
is more be better
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Change the word
their
show examples
career than
people
Correct pronoun usage
who is
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
not continuing
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
high-level
education
. Because they can get
knowledge
.
People
after
finished
Wrong verb form
finishing
show examples
school
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have more experience than
people
continue
Correct pronoun usage
who continue
show examples
to
study
because of
long
Correct article usage
the long
show examples
time
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
finished
Wrong verb form
finish
show examples
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
study
.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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coherence cohesion
The essay needs more clarity and clear distinctions between the two perspectives being discussed. Ensure that each viewpoint is presented with logical reasoning and examples.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction should clearly state the main points that will be discussed. While the conclusion should briefly summarize the key points and restate your stance in a concise manner.
relevant specific examples
Provide more real-life examples or case studies to support your arguments. Avoid vague or generic statements. Specific examples make your essay more persuasive and impactful.
coherence cohesion
There are frequent grammatical errors and awkward phrasings which interrupt the flow of the essay. Proofreading or using grammar-check tools can help improve sentence structure and coherence.
task achievement
The essay attempts to discuss both views and gives a personal opinion as required by the task.
introduction conclusion present
There is an effort to provide a structured response with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • specialized knowledge
  • professional fields
  • networking opportunities
  • career path
  • practical experience
  • financial pressures
  • economic independence
  • early work experience
  • apprenticeships
  • vocational training
  • hands-on skills
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