IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The school should use films, computers, and games instead of books. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#school #films #computers #games #books
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is claimed that schools should provide lessons with movies, games, and modern gadgets as opposed to relying on paper
books
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 there are decided benefits to children from
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
 with digital gadgets, I completely contend that
books
Use synonyms
 carry greater weight in terms of learning. There are some reasons why schools have to offer practice with the help of films and phones. One of them relates to a quick imagination. Learning subjects with
this
Linking Words
 method can bring a variety of opportunities, leading to a sudden imagination of information.
As a result
Linking Words
, many
students
Use synonyms
 can benefit from providing different real pictures in their eyes, and the creation of
such
Linking Words
 information in various subjects may help to gain knowledge effectively and easily without feeling pressured or repeated. A second key reason is that by grouping with
students
Use synonyms
, playing subject-related games, and watching movies together, every schoolchild can develop a sense of collaboration by being forced to think outside the box.
This
Linking Words
 process often links with professional achievements and better future outcomes.
However
Linking Words
, I would argue against high-tech devices or leisure activities at school for a number of reasons.
Theain
Correct your spelling
The main
Then
 one is that many
students
Use synonyms
 usually avoid
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
learning - especially those who have a tendency for recreational activities - important tasks. But
books
Use synonyms
 can be a great source of learning, offering a
way
Use synonyms
 for
students
Use synonyms
 to achieve individual growth, so they use their own sense of abilities and their attempts to put them into practice.
In other words
Linking Words
, schoolchildren can grow equally. Another advantage is being able to avoid serious diseases. Because films and computers usually
carry
Verb problem
cause
show examples
 some harm to our health,
such
Linking Words
 as cardiovascular illnesses, eye-related issues, and weak reading skills,
books
Use synonyms
 can be an ideal
way
Use synonyms
 of learning. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 films, computers, and various games can be an interesting
way
Use synonyms
 to obtain subjects at school, I believe that the traditional
way
Use synonyms
 of learning at school is far more useful. Only by ensuring
books
Use synonyms
 can we teach schoolchildren effectively.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that examples are as relevant and specific as possible to strengthen your arguments. For instance, mentioning specific studies or statistics can provide solid support.
coherence cohesion
Review grammar and sentence structure to avoid minor inaccuracies that slightly inhibit understanding.
coherence cohesion
The essay is generally well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a strong conclusion.
task achievement
The main ideas are clearly expressed, and the essay provides a balanced view by considering both advantages and disadvantages of using digital gadgets versus books in schools.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: