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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The line graph illustrates the amount of visitor spend for visitors to New Zealand from 5 countries over a period of eighteen years between 1996 and 2014.

The line graph illustrates the amount of visitor spend for visitors to New Zealand from 5 countries over a period of eighteen years between 1996 and 2014.
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The table illustrates how much money a secondhand bookstore spent in
January
Use synonyms
 and
December
Use synonyms
 2018.
Overall
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 the rent spending had the most significant share of the store
expenses
Use synonyms
 in both months, the maintenance
expenses
Use synonyms
 had only a tiny share.
Also
Linking Words
, the total spending increased significantly in
December
Use synonyms
 as compared to
January
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 wages and benefits spending decreased slightly by almost 40$ in
December
Use synonyms
, the rent
expenses
Use synonyms
 rose at the same time by nearly 1500 $. Equipment
expenses
Use synonyms
 were reduced by one-tenth by the end of the recorded year after it was 53 $ at the beginning.
Although
Linking Words
 the utility bills dropped significantly by nearly a half in
December
Use synonyms
 2018, professional fees rose dramatically to almost three times what they were in
January
Use synonyms
. Miscellaneous expenditures increased slightly from what they were in the first month of the year from 444 $ to nearly 600 $. Marketing and maintenance fees rose dramatically from 263 $ and 10 $ in
January
Use synonyms
 to 355 $ and 32 $, respectively.
Also
Linking Words
, the total monthly
expenses
Use synonyms
 increased by nearly one-half by the end of 2018.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words january, december, expenses with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrates" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatically" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • illustrates
  • visitor spend
  • over a period of
  • eighteen years
  • between 1996 and 2014
  • general trend
  • observed
  • increase
  • decrease
  • fluctuations
  • a breakdown of
  • spending habits
  • comparison
  • highest spenders
  • lowest spenders
  • possible reasons
  • economic conditions
  • tourism promotions
  • significant events
  • specific significant peaks
  • drops in spending
  • corresponding years
  • impact of external factors
  • global financial crisis
  • natural disasters
  • summarizing
  • overall trend
  • implications
  • tourism industry
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