Some people think that parents should be punished if their children commit crimes because they are responsible for their children's actions To what extent do you agree or disagree
There are differing opinions regarding whether
parents
should take consequences if their children
engage in criminal activities as they have to be accountable. From my perspective, this
idea is profoundly true in terms of parents
’ parenting and parents
moral hazard.
Transitioning into the first reason, parenting is the way
parents
teach to
their Change preposition
apply
children
,
as if remember that home is Remove the comma
apply
children
first school, hence
the behaviour that occurs caused by the parent's parenting, for
instance
if the parent teach their Add the comma(s)
instance,
children
good attitude, then
will not engage in criminal activities unless their external factors influences
them.
Change the verb form
influence
Secondly
, the way
parents
interpret the moral
and their Fix the agreement mistake
morals
belief
it would Fix the agreement mistake
beliefs
influences
how they Change the verb form
influence
behaved
, Wrong verb form
behave
for
instance
if the Add the comma(s)
instance,
parents
follow deviant
sect that Correct article usage
a deviant
taught
them harm attitude Wrong verb form
teaches
to
other people, Change preposition
toward
parents
of course influence this
mindset and behaviour to
their Change preposition
in
children
owing to they
hope their Correct pronoun usage
their
children
have the same the way
their belief, thus
children
will see, learn and imitate their parent attitude, eventually their curiosity bring them to take action in crimes without fully comprehend that their action will harm people.
In conclusion, I firmly believe that the government should treat the same way
in terms of punishment to both children
and parents
,
when Remove the comma
apply
children
take a
criminal action. I wholeheartedly suggest that people should Remove the article
apply
take
an eye Verb problem
keep
to
Change preposition
on
parents
in terms of parenting by providing them seminars
, training, Change preposition
with seminars
counselling
in order to raise Correct word choice
and counselling
childern
.Correct your spelling
children
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position on the topic and addresses the prompt effectively, which is great. However, consider elaborating more on the points with additional examples and details to make your arguments more compelling. For example, you might discuss specific types of parental negligence that can lead to children's criminal behavior.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of your essay. While the main ideas are generally clear, the transitions between them could be smoother. Consider using more transition words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments more naturally.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to your sentence structure and grammar. Some sentences are complex and could be broken down for clarity. For instance, instead of "thus children will see, learn and imitate their parent attitude, eventually their curiosity bring them to take action in crimes without fully comprehend that their action will harm people," you could write "Thus, children will see, learn, and imitate their parents' attitudes. Eventually, their curiosity might lead them to commit crimes without fully understanding the harm they are causing."
coherence cohesion
You have a strong introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument effectively.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and provides relevant points to support your opinion.
task achievement
You made a good point about the influence of parental beliefs and morals on children's behavior.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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