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Band 5

The following diagram shows the process of cloning a sheep. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The following diagram shows the process of cloning a sheep. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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This
Linking Words
 diagram illustrates a
process
Use synonyms
 of how a
sheep
Use synonyms
 is cloned There are 2 different steps of extracting genes for
same gender
Add a hyphen
same-gender
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sheep
Use synonyms
 before that one step
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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genes are amalgamated and put into
uterus
Correct article usage
the uterus
show examples
 of a foster mother. The
process
Use synonyms
 of extracting genes from female
Sheep
Use synonyms
 A begins with taking body
Use synonyms
cell
Fix the agreement mistake
cells
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 from it.
Linking Words
Finally
Add a comma
Finally,
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 its DNA is extracted which is from taken body
cell
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 and the DNA will be waiting for
steps
Correct article usage
the steps
show examples
 of
Sheep
Use synonyms
 B to be done.
At the first stage
Linking Words
 in the
process
Use synonyms
 of taking the nucleus from
Sheep
Use synonyms
 B , its Egs
cell
Use synonyms
 is taken and
then
Linking Words
,
finally
Linking Words
, the Nucleus is removed.After all of these steps,everything is done to start
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
process
Use synonyms
 of cloning.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the DNA from
Sheep
Use synonyms
 A fused with
egg
Correct article usage
the egg
show examples
cell
Use synonyms
 from
Sheep
Use synonyms
 B.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the fused
cell
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 develops into an embryo which is placed in the
utreus
Correct your spelling
uterus
 of
Sheep
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 C.
Finally
Linking Words
, the Lamb is born as a clone of
Sheep
Use synonyms

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "finally".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words process, sheep, cell with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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