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Band 2

Is there any event that is considered the most significant in impacting your life? What might have happened if that event had not occurred?

#event #life
There are many important events in the history.
However
,from my perspective, I think the Independence Day of my
country
 is the most historic event for me. First of all,Before independence we lived like slaves in our
country
also
 it included many unethical things unfavourable to all of us.The killing of Muslims is common. The most important is that Muslims are not allowed to perform their religious activity
for example
 Eid Ul Azha.
However
,Our leaders step ahead and demand for the separate
country
 and they successfully occupy the new
Country
. In conclusion,
This
 event affected my life because if
this
 event had not happened would
be I was not
Verb problem
have been
show examples
 alive or
ifI
Correct your spelling
if
if I
wasalive
Correct your spelling
was alive
then
 I lived like a slave.
Submitted by shahroz99dev on

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coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing the logical flow of your ideas to make the essay more cohesive. This will help in presenting your points more clearly and effectively.
task achievement
Include more specific examples and details to support your main points. This will make your argument more powerful and convincing.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to your sentence structure and punctuation. Correctly using commas and conjunctions will improve the readability of your essay.
task achievement
Try to elaborate more on why the Independence Day is significant to you personally, giving more personal anecdotes or reflections.
task achievement
You chose a significant event that has historical and personal importance, which is a good start for an essay topic.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your narrative.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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