IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Children nowadays spend a great deal of time watching television. However, television cannot replace the book as a learning tool. To what extent do you agree with this?

#children #time #television #book #tool
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One of the most conspicuous trends of today's world is young people spending
great
Change the article
a great
show examples
 deal of time in front of
television
Add an article
the television
a television
show examples
, though it has nothing to do with their studies. I completely agree with
this
 statement because broadcasting channels are not always informative, and someone needs to be present guiding
youngters
Correct your spelling
youngsters
 at all
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
. If we look at the different programs that are mostly on
television
,
then
 they are senseless, except few. It is very evident that kids will be more interested
on
Change the preposition
in
show examples
those
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
stupid
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
, rather than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
informative sources.
For example
, kids can spend hours
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
watching cartoons and movies, but when asked to watch some informative documentaries on Animal
planet
Capitalize word
Planet
show examples
 and Discoveries, they would prefer
walking
Change the verb form
to walk
show examples
 out of the room, just after
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 minutes.
Children
 can be guided when it comes to
buy
Change the verb form
buying
show examples
 a book for their studies as they need some financial support from their parents,
however
, watching
television
 is more easily accessible at their home, because it is
jiust
Correct your spelling
just
their
Correct your spelling
there
show examples
 to be used. Young people can go, grab the remote for their
television
, and start
tunning
Correct your spelling
tuning
show examples
 to whichever channel they want to watch.
For example
, if the parents are not available at home because of their work schedules,
children
 can come home, throw their bags, and
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 hours in front of the
television
. In conclusion,
television
 can not take
place
Correct article usage
the place
show examples
 of a book because books with necessary information can be picked for
children
 with parent's guidelines and
television
 can be accessed by
children
 conveniently with full of entertainment.
Submitted by sarumanandhar36 on

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generic
Your essay begins with a strong introduction, presenting a clear stance. However, try to ensure that each paragraph stays on topic and clearly supports your main argument.
specific
Make sure to provide specific examples relevant to your main ideas. While the example of children preferring cartoons to documentaries is effective, aim to provide more varied and detailed examples.
generic
Watch out for grammatical errors, such as missing articles ('the' before 'Animal Planet'), and ensure consistent tense use. Improved accuracy can help convey ideas more clearly.
specific
It’s great that you have used connectors (e.g., 'for example'), but aim to vary these to avoid repetition. This will make your writing more engaging and improve the flow of ideas.
specific
Although the conclusion summarizes your points well, consider reiterating your main arguments more explicitly. This will reinforce your stance effectively.
specific
The introduction clearly states your position and introduces the topic effectively.
generic
The essay has a logical flow, and each paragraph supports the main argument decently.
generic
Use of connectors and transition words makes the essay easier to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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