IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

You would like to invite a foreign friend to visit you for your birthday Write a letter inviting your friend. In your letter: tell your friend about your birthday explain how much the visit would mean to you suggest that your friend stays at your house for the visit

#friend #visit #birthday #house
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Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing regarding financial help for a 1-year training course which would help me in my future career. My name is Rajdeep Kaur and I have recently completed my bachelor's in Pharmaceutical science. I am a hardworking and dedicated student who wants to pursue higher studies at the renowned University of London. As I mentioned, I am a pharmacy graduate, I want to join the post-graduate course known as DPharma at London University. The ambition for
this
 training is to gain more useful knowledge about my field of study and get a desired job in future.
This
 curriculum contains several aspects that would assist me in my upcoming career which involves professional hands-on training and a number of interpersonal skills. The healthcare industry always seeking great customer skills
along with
 accurate knowledge which I believe
this
 course offers me.
Moreover
, I need
this
 financial help because I am working as a part-time assistant my savings are not enough to study abroad. My parents can help me partially but I
also
 require assistance for my accommodation and miscellaneous expenses. I would really appreciate I could get some assistance on
this
 matter. Thank you for giving me
this
 opportunity to apply for
this
 help. yours faithfully, Rajdeep Kaur
Submitted by rajdeepdosanjh55 on

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logical structure
While the letter provides important information, it would benefit from a clearer logical structure. Organizing thoughts more systematically would improve coherence.
single idea per paragraph
Make sure to focus each paragraph on a single idea to enhance the clarity and flow of the letter.
greeting and closing
Include a specific greeting and closing that fit the context more precisely, such as "Dear Scholarship Committee" and "Yours sincerely."
suitable writing tone
The tone of the letter is formal and polite, which is suitable for the context of requesting financial help.
complete response
The writer clearly explains the need for financial assistance and ties it to their career aspirations.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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