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Band 7

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #money #future
Saving
money
 is crucial for every individual’s
future
, especially for young
people
.
While
 I partially agree with
this
 approach, it is essential to recognize that the ability to save
money
 depends heavily on a person’s financial situation and circumstances. First and foremost, not everyone is in a position to save
money
. For individuals and families who belong to the lowest income bracket, some of whom may even live below the poverty line, saving
money
 is a luxury they simply cannot afford. These individuals often struggle to cover their basic needs and household expenses,
such
 as paying bills, covering the tuition fees for their children’s education, or even purchasing essential food items. For
this
 group, setting aside
money
 for the
future
 is unrealistic, as their immediate financial challenges take precedence.
Moreover
, most young adults face financial difficulties because they are still in the process of completing their education and may not have full-time employment. Without a stable source of income, saving
money
 becomes particularly challenging. In fact, many young
people
 are not only unable to save but
also
 rely on financial support from their parents to cover their living and educational expenses. The absence of a regular income stream during
this
 period of their lives makes it difficult, if not impossible, to save.
However
, despite these challenges, it is still important for young
people
 to develop good financial habits. Parents and educators should play a key role in teaching financial management skills to the younger generation.
While
 it may not be feasible for young adults to save large amounts of
money
, they can still learn the importance of budgeting, managing expenses, and planning for the
future
. Encouraging young
people
 to take on part-time jobs is
also
 beneficial, as it allows them to earn some
money
, gain work experience, and prepare for the
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 market after graduation. In conclusion,
while
 saving
money
 is indeed important, it is not always a viable option for everyone, particularly for those with limited financial means.
Nonetheless
, young
people
 should be encouraged to learn financial management skills and seek opportunities to earn
money
 through part-time work, which can help them build a foundation for a more secure financial
future
.
Submitted by m.ali.gholamalian on

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task achievement
While the essay is well-structured, ensure all main points are equally supported with examples and details to strengthen your argument. Consider providing more specific examples to solidify your points.
coherence cohesion
Maintain clarity by avoiding repetitive sentences or ideas. Avoid over-elaborating on well-understood points and focus on presenting new perspectives or insights.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets up the argument, and the conclusion neatly summarizes key points, reinforcing the essay's main message.
task achievement
The essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas, demonstrating a strong ability to convey thoughts on the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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